Raised under my dad and stepmoms’ “careful education,” I grew up with training that was pretty “strict,” sure—but my family never actually hit me.

The worst my stepmoms ever did was a sharp flick to the forehead. Dad tried to spank me a few times, but he always got caught before he could.

“How dare you hit our sweet boy! You bastard, you got a death wish?! Sisters! Drag this scumbag to the basement!”

After that, some very unpleasant noises echoed from our castle’s basement. For a long while, Dad started taking detours whenever he saw me.

But now...

Maybe I got complacent. Or maybe I judged the Elf in front of me as harmless and let my guard down...

I handed her a handkerchief out of kindness. She didn’t ask a thing. She just slapped me.

...

“Wait, Hill.”

Once the daze cleared, I was annoyed, but I still held myself back and stopped Hill.

The Goddess at my side looked about to unleash some “divine might” and wipe this Elf off the map.

Be rational, Hill! A Goddess popping off at the drop of a hat—that’s so Aqua.

I rubbed my slightly burning cheek and let out a sigh at the Elf.

Hill quickly cooled down and, without a word, started easing the swelling on my face. Having a Goddess personally tend to my puffed-up cheek... only I would get to enjoy that.

“Miss Elf, could you please calm down?”

“Mmm...”

Elves hate humans. You could tell from the displeasure on this Elf girl’s face.

Still, for all that dislike, they’re a very “cultured” race. Most Elves do have pride and decorum.

At least they don’t lie through their teeth. And this one was plenty tsundere to me.

“Y-you... who are you?!”

Now that she’d calmed a bit, the Elf girl hurried to hide that ecchi book behind her back. Back to the roadside tree, she stared at me and Hill with full alertness.

“If you take one more step, it won’t be just... just a slap, human!”

“When you threaten someone, try not to let your knees shake. Sigh.”

I pinched my brow and sighed.

In just that moment, Hill had finished with my swelling. Lately, the great Goddess has been acting strange. Before this, she’d never have helped me de-puff.

She’d probably watch from the side and call it “observing human behavior.”

“You’re on someone else’s private land reading not-for-kids stuff. You’re bleeding from the nose as you go. Then you see people and slap first, ask nothing later... Looks like you’re the suspicious one here, Miss Elf.”

“N-not for kids? I-I-I... I was critiquing it! A materialist criti—no, wait!”

Hugging her ecchi book and flailing, the Elf girl glared at me with tragic indignation.

“Are you threatening me, human?!”

With no one around, why would I bother threatening you? If I meant harm, I’d have bonked you out cold and carried you off by now, dummy.

“Ha... no, no! I’m playing Good Samaritan here!”

Her textbook-level hostility toward humans aside, a good deed deserves a proper finish.

I kept as much distance as I could and held out the handkerchief.

“Use this. Yours is about to turn into a red scarf.”

“Mm... n-none of your business!”

She watched me like a skittish stray kitten for a while. Then she suddenly yanked the handkerchief from my hand.

She gave it a little sniff with her cute nose, then obediently started wiping her nosebleed.

...

Thanks to my old man, relations between Elves and humans are awful. I’ve known that for ages.

Honestly, her attitude was par for the Elf course. The fact she didn’t scream “pervert” and bolt the instant she saw me puts her in the “cultured” bracket.

Putting racial bias aside, I have to admit: the Elf lady visiting my place is pretty great.

Honey-blond hair with a slight curl. Black tights under her skirt, framing that tempting absolute territory.

Properly dressed, restrained in manner. When she’s not reading an ecchi book, she’s a very fine, beautiful Elf.

Her only flaw might be her expression. Face pulled tight, brows never relaxing. That look belongs on rigid women in their forties and fifties who never married...

To put it crudely... an older virgin.

Ahem, no, no. Arisa, you’re a well-bred gentleman. How could you label an Elf girl a late-age spinster?!

That’s totally uncouth.

I shook my head.

Before long, she’d carefully wiped her nosebleed. Fully calm now, she must’ve sensed my goodwill, and her attitude softened a lot.

“Um... sorry about before...”

She sneaked a glance at my face. “On the way here, I kept feeling predatory stares from human men. So I instinctively took you for one of them...”

Predatory, huh... Yeah. With legs like yours, not many men could look away...

“Um... y-your face...”

“Ah? Oh, it’s fine. I had the maid take care of it.”

I poked my cheek. “Or are you planning to make it up to me with, say, your hand?”

“W-with my—myself!? Y-you... you rude brute!”

I only wanted to lighten the mood, but this Miss Elf’s purity blew past my expectations.

The moment I finished, she raised her hand again.

Luckily, she wasn’t dumb. She quickly realized I was joking.

“Th-this is another human joke, right?! So mean! G-good day!”

She bit her lip, her face flushing red. Even those long ears turned pink.

“Yeah, yeah. On your way back, don’t read that book you’re hiding. Or you’ll pass out from blood loss.”

“Mind your own business!!”

Her face burned even redder. Eyes brimming, she took off like the wind.

After a while, Hill finally spoke, voice soft.

“Arisa, did you take a liking to that Elf?”

“No way!”

Who’d be into a conservative, stiff Elf like that? Though... for someone that rigid, that body is anything but...

“Just a tiny bit of payback.”

I pouted and swallowed the rest of my thoughts.

...

Meanwhile, far from us, the Elf girl who’d been sprinting finally stopped, panting.

She stared blankly at the handkerchief in her hand.

“Ah... I forgot to return it. No— I didn’t introduce myself, or ask his name!”

She clutched her chest tight.

“Ahhh! Beren, you idiot!”

What is this pounding in my chest supposed to be?!