"Perverted NEET lolicon!" I blurted out Qiqi’s words so smoothly.

I uncrossed my legs, fuming but unable to blame him. After all, I’d been stupid—I’d never considered skirts had this flaw. Sitting cross-legged did radiate queenly vibes, but it was truly meant for chairs.

"Uh, what’s wrong with perverted men?" he said casually. "If you’d marry me, I’d happily be a lolicon."

This Hero infuriated me—stirring the sore spot, huh? Bullying me ’cause I’m not a guy?

"Rejected. What’s your faith?"

"Lala!"

"Shut-ins are disgusting!" I mocked mercilessly. Just as expected of a NEET, hmpf!

"Fine, I won’t argue with girls."

"Then don’t say it out loud!" My favorability toward him had plummeted to negative.

"What’ll you drink?" He ignored my jab, walking to the door’s kettle and flipping through tea boxes. Only then did I notice the many tea tins.

"All gifts from the emperor. Top-grade tea."

"Coffee." My head felt fuzzy; coffee would wake me up. He actually poured water.

"Coffee? No coffee in this world." His tone was offhand, then he froze, whirling around with wide eyes. "Coffee? You’re… from Earth?"

"Pfft. Took you long enough." His clothes had tipped me off from the start.

"Make it black tea with elderflower." I was curious about this world’s brew.

"Seriously? Elderflower stuff exists?" The Hero found elderflower tea, mixed it with black tea, brewed two cups, and set them on the small window ledge.

"You’re Han Chinese?" I glanced at his light-yellow skin, sipping my tea after blowing on it. "Hot."

"Cat tongue, huh?"

"None of your business." Stuck like this thanks to Mom, I’d have to adapt—but "cat tongue"? Weird. "Answer my question."

"I’m from there. You? Speaking Chinese but not looking East Asian…" He sat cross-legged before me, sipping tea. Rich, milky-black-tea aroma filled the air.

"This is the Dark Lord’s body," I explained. "I’m from Huaxia too—fellow countrymen! Tears well up at reunion. Free me already."

"No!" He struck a stern pose. "You’re the Dark Lord. Releasing you would drown the land in blood."

"Who told you that?" I rolled my eyes.

"The Dark Lord embodies desire. He craves power—slaughters the strong. Craves wealth—plunders endlessly. Craves rule—starts wars to conquer the world. Craves… uh, beauties—kidnaps lovely Princesses…"

You’re the ones kidnapping the lovely Dark Lord!

"Look, I’ve done none of that. Don’t want to. And yeah—I like girls. But why must it be Princesses? They’re not automatically pretty. Just good genes and head starts. What if recessive genes make them ugly? I’m not obsessed with Princesses."

"Kidnapping commoners is still vile!"

"Who said I’d kidnap? I’d flirt! Got it? You hopeless NEET singleton!" I shot him a glare. "Clearly no girlfriend since arriving here."

"So what? I’m proud to be single!" The Hero pouted like a stubborn puppy.

"Whatever." I blew on my tea—it’d cooled enough. A small sip spread floral warmth in my mouth. "This world’s tea’s surprisingly good. Rivals British royal blends."

"You’ve tasted it?" he countered.

"Luckily got a tiny pack once. Smelled heavenly. But this room’s been incensed—masks the tea’s scent. Where is this?"

His face lit up instantly. "The Hero’s bedroom! Spacious, right?"

I narrowed my eyes, giving him a suspicious stare. "Perverted—NEET—lolicon! Why drag me to your room?"

*Thwack!*

"Pervert! Die!" I grabbed a thick Oxford dictionary and hurled it. Don’t ask where it came from—this Hero deserved it!

He actually thought… *thwack* me? Disgusting!

But the Oxford seemed to nail his nose. The Hero toppled over, a cartoonish soul drifting from his mouth. No way! Countryman, don’t die—I need you to free me!

"I just meant… seeing the Dark Lord’s a girl… feared you’d be bullied… wanted to protect you…" His voice trailed off weakly. Hey! Call an ambulance! I killed him by mistake!

Wait… he’s the Hero. Tough as nails. I’ve no magic or Dark Lord strength now—how’d I pack that punch?

"Stop faking!" I threw a spoon. He caught it, sat up, and grinned sheepishly.

Big oaf—well, not that big.

"Then why capture me?"

"’Cause you’re the Dark Lord."

Ugh, that tired excuse again.

"Why care if I’m the Dark Lord?"

"I…" He faltered, clearly acting on impulse.

I waved a hand, lifting my tea cup. "Sigh. NEETs, understandable. But warning: I was straight in my past life. Don’t get ideas."

"I don’t believe you." He shot back instantly, eyes scanning me skeptically. Suddenly, he shuddered. "You’re not… that legendary…"

"What legendary?"

"Big-breasted girl?"

"I think," I ground my teeth, "you resemble a very sunny plant."

"What?"

"Sunflower! Feel the power of knowledge!" Oxford projectile launch!

Direct hit. Target down. Mission complete.

"You… where’d you get that Oxford? I hate English…" He rubbed his nose, sitting up. "Violence isn’t good. But kinda cute."

"You… whatever." I gulped the cooled tea. "Tasty. Truth is—I’ve died once. Death’s agony… I never want to feel it again."

The Hero froze, then smiled softly—a warmth seeping through. "Whether you’re the Dark Lord or a pretty girl, I’ll protect you. You won’t die."

"Thanks." I lowered my eyes slightly, staring at the fox-fur beneath me. He seized the moment, reaching into the cage to pat my head gently. "Relax."

"Mm. Wait—don’t… don’t squeeze my horns… it tickles… feels weird… makes me weak…" I slumped before him, tingles racing from my scalp downward. "Ugh… I’m melting… let go…"

"Sorry… they felt so soft… got carried away."

"Free me now!" I couldn’t listen anymore.

"No…"

"I… I can’t hold it anymore."