"Oh my, you're quite prompt. I thought you'd either drag your feet until nine o'clock or skip out entirely, Master Cheng?"

"I don't waste time on traffic."

Frankly, commuting is life's greatest time-sink. Spending precious moments just to reach a destination holds zero real meaning. If everyone could teleport or had spatial gates, we'd save countless hours for more worthwhile things.

*chuckle* "You're the type who can't enjoy traveling at all, Cheng."

"Yeah, yeah. I prefer staying home."

I rolled my eyes and sat across from Jilianbing.

A ripple of murmurs spread through the café. Leaning in slightly, I caught snippets:

*"Oh! The pretty girl’s date finally showed up!"*

*"Is he her boyfriend? What a waste—she’s a rose on a pile of dung!"*

*"Making a lady wait? Zero gentlemanly manners."*

*"And that scowl! How’d he land a girlfriend like her? Odds worse than winning the lottery!"*

Same reaction as the cafeteria. Predictable. Wherever Jilianbing appeared, all eyes locked onto her. Public opinion always sided with the beautiful girl over a nobody like me.

A waitress approached, perfectly composed. "Welcome. What can I get you?"

"A hot milk."

"...Right." She shot me a flat look before turning to Jilianbing for a refill. Jilianbing switched coffees and added a slice of cheesecake.

I sat rigid as a statue of Fudo Myoo, glare sharp enough to ignite flames.

"Someone’s in a foul mood," Jilianbing mused, chin propped on her palm. "Did someone play with your heart?"

*You did!*

"Damn right! You tricked me!"

She brushed off my anger like dust. "Oh dear, my texts held not a single lie. You simply... misinterpreted them, Cheng."

"...Tch."

Guilty as charged. I’d let "maid café" cloud my judgment. My own fault for not thinking straight.

"So," I sighed. "What did you want to discuss?"

"Honestly, Cheng," she puffed her cheeks, suddenly serious. "You still haven’t called me by my name. Say ‘Lianbing’."

I arched a brow. "Says the one who always flips my name backwards."

"That’s affection!"

"Then this is intimacy."

I rarely used her name—usually "you," "hey," or "this guy." Yep, I’d borrowed Xinran’s icy nickname tactics.

*Feel my frosty indifference (courtesy of Xinran)!*

"You call Teacher Yang by her first name," she pressed, eyes narrowing playfully, "but can’t say your girlfriend’s? Or... is there something between you and Teacher Yang?"

*Again with her intel network.* Shirley, who *are* you? This is spy-level surveillance. Does she even know Lili’s a succubus?

*...No. Her illusions should fool ordinary eyes.*

Better not feed her more clues. "Teacher Yang and I are close. I call Teacher Xiaozhen by name too."

"Exactly! I’m your girlfriend—I deserve the same!"

The topic wouldn’t move forward unless I complied. Fine.

I drew a breath to say "Lianbing"—

"Try this instead," she cut in, grinning. "*‘I’m madly in love with Lianbing!’*"

"Since when did the difficulty spike?! And you added your own wish!"

"End every sentence with *‘My Lianbing is the cutest!’*"

"Enough! My Lianbing is the cut—wait, *damn it!*"

*chuckle chuckle*

So she’d just been toying with me all along.

The waitress arrived with our orders. "Enjoy your meal."

Her eyes lingered on me like I was a zoo exhibit. *Seriously?*

"Tch..." I grumbled, gulping milk—

Jilianbing leaned close, hand cupped beside her mouth. "Cheng... I’m not wearing any today."

"*PFFT—!*"

Milk sprayed everywhere. Most hit her face and hair; the rest dripped down her neck.

*...Shit.*

What the hell was that?! This was worse than the lunch incident! She’d *kill* me this time!

*It’s not my fault! You started it! I’m the victim here!*

Bracing for crimson rage—her title stayed calm. Only her cheeks flushed crimson. She covered her face, eyelashes fluttering shut. "Mmm... Cheng’s milk covered me all over~"

Gasps erupted around us.

*Ugh—!*

The way she said it... it *did* sound filthy.

She gathered milk from her cheek with a finger, licked it clean—slowly, thoroughly, even between her nails. My pulse spiked. *Damn. She’s more succubus than Lili.*

"Right now," she whispered, "you’re imagining pinning me down and having your way. So lewd~ *hehe~*"

"Speak for yourself. I evolved past monkeys."

"*Really?*" She stood, skepticism dripping—then took three steps.

"*La la la~*"

She plopped onto my lap. I jolted back, legs splayed against the chair.

*More gasps.* Even the waitress froze mid-step, handkerchief forgotten. *Stop drawing attention! Everyone’s staring!*

"Don’t sit here! This is a single seat—go back across!"

Ignoring me, she grabbed my arms and pressed them against her chest, rocking like a rowboat.

"*Row, row, row~ row to Grandma’s bridge~*"

"Hey! Stop! My brain’s rattling!"

Giggling, she rubbed milk-soaked hair all over my shirt. "You’re thinking dirty thoughts. Penalty: recite the Heart Sutra."

"I only know *‘Form is emptiness, emptiness is form.’* The rest? Forget it."

"*Form* doesn’t mean *lust*, silly. It’s not about celibacy."

"Why lecture me on Buddhist trivia?! And if it’s not about lust, why make me recite it?!"

Only idiots memorize sutras anyway.

After wiping every drop of milk onto me, she finally returned to her seat.

*So I’m her towel now...* I’d worn my nicest shirt too.

"My hair’s all sticky..."

*Phew.* Back in her seat. That lap-sitting felt like Death’s scythe at my throat. Ever since she threatened to strangle me, her touch made my heart race—not from attraction. From *terror*.

She sipped coffee, nibbled cheesecake, then paused mid-bite. "Yesterday, that poker-face girl interrupted me feeding you. Let’s try again."

I smirked silently. *Think I’ll fall for the same trick twice?*

"Worried I poisoned it?" She popped the bite into her mouth, held it, then deliberately licked the fork clean—coating it in saliva. "Ahhh~" she offered it toward me.

I turned my head away.

"*Sigh...*" Her shoulders slumped, eyes downcast—a heartbreaking pout. Patrons’ titles flickered gray and black, shooting me jealous glares.

*Fools. You don’t know Jilianbing’s true face. She flips from tears to laughter in seconds—a demon who toys with hearts.*

"Then..."

"Hm?"

She lifted her head, winked her left eye shut, and dragged a finger under her right.

Her title flashed—changed!

【Devoted Girlfriend】

*Jilianbing! You can switch personas at will?! What a monster!*

"Cheng..." Her voice trembled, small and fragile. *Soft Ice.*

"May I... feed you?"

She lifted the fork, noticed her saliva on it, blushed, ate that piece herself, then offered a fresh one.

I took it without hesitation.

Her face lit up—pure, radiant joy.

*...*

My mind went blank. Words stuck in my throat. Around Soft Ice, I turned stupid. (Bleep.)

The rest of the day blurred like a distant landscape.

A normal date, I suppose.

Soft Ice held my hand, beaming, as we strolled streets. She picked out non-prescription glasses for me.

Lunch. A movie. Photo booth stickers.

Like any ordinary couple.

No serious talk happened. I couldn’t question Soft Ice about anything.

*What was the point of all this?*

"I had a wonderful time today, Cheng."

"Yeah... me too."

At a park exit, her luxury car waited—Shirley standing beside it.

*They tracked us the whole time.* I’d sensed hidden gazes all day. Since gaining title-vision, my danger sense sharpened.

"Then, Cheng..." Soft Ice tilted her face up, eyes closed, lips parted softly. Sunset painted her flushed cheeks gold.

*She wants a kiss.*

Kiss? Or not kiss?

She's my girlfriend, but it's all a sham. Her real goal is to kill me and claim my corpse...

"Master Cheng...?"

A voice tinged with unease reached my ears. As I hesitated, Soft Ice's heart was probably sinking deeper too.

Tch, what's there to agonize over, An Juncheng? You don't have decision paralysis—why be so indecisive!

Just as I steeled myself to reply... I froze!

Killing intent!

And this sudden killing intent wasn't coming from Soft Ice!

I whirled around, scanning the area, but saw no one else. Miss Shirley's title glowed green—she couldn't be the source.

"What's wrong, Master Cheng?"

"Nothing. Just a chill down my spine... Probably nothing."

"So..."

I scratched my cheek, deflated by the interruption. In the end, I only kissed her forehead.

But Soft Ice beamed, blushing as she touched her forehead and giggled hehehe.

"She's satisfied, but I'm not yet, Master Cheng~"

"Huh? Mmph!"

Her tone shifted abruptly. Before I could react, she yanked my collar—our teeth clacked together sharply.

Ah! Ouch!

My lip split, blood welling up.

I shoved her away and clapped a hand over my mouth.

"Mmph!"

"Hehehehe~"

Jilianbing, back in her Necrophiliac Killer persona, gave me a sinister smirk and unleashed her signature four-part laugh.

"I'm craving you more and more, Master Cheng~"

She smeared my blood on her lips, her eyes locking onto me like a hunter sighting prey.

"Well then, as a reward for keeping me company all day—watch closely. Don't blink, okay?"

Jilianbing grasped her skirt hem with both hands and slowly lifted it up...

The evening breeze brushed past. Sunset rays hit my cheeks, making them shimmer with a trace of golden glow. Nearby, Miss Shirley covered her mouth in mild shock. The masked maid in the driver's seat pulled down her mask, utterly stunned.

My brain had been completely formatted.

The only file left in that blank void was an image of that moment. I doubt I'll ever delete it—even when I die.

Jilianbing—she really wasn't wearing anything!