Chapter 7: You’re Just a BUG
I was still spacing out when I got back to the courtyard. Old Mage called out to snap me back.
“What’s wrong? You look distracted.”
“Huh? No! I just… fell in love with this world all of a sudden.” I answered with perfect solemnity.
“Odd. But if you truly love this world, that’s good. Come with me—I need to test your aptitude.”
“Right, let me drop these things first.”
I took the items to the kitchen and bumped into Helle. I opened my mouth to greet her, but she walked past like she hadn’t seen me. *Interesting little maid.*
“Hey, brat! Did you bully Helle?” Monaluna’s voice startled me from behind. When had this shut-in appeared? “I’m warning you—Helle’s like a sister to me. If you hurt her, I’ve got a hundred ways to make you regret staying here.”
*Sister? You let her take the blame for you for over a decade. What a坑妹 move.*
“Oh? If it isn’t the ‘Redhaired Witch’!” I smirked. “I’ve heard whispers about your ‘hundred methods.’ You scared me so bad, my heart’s going *thump-thump*.”
“W-what ‘Redhaired Witch’? I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Monaluna’s face paled. She tilted her head up at a 45-degree angle, staring at the ceiling. *Do you two share a manual for fake innocence?*
This brat really got under my skin. “Hmph. As a warrior, you lack honor. How can you face your sword after making a gentle girl carry your sins for over a decade? And you still have the nerve to say ‘she’s like my sister’?”
“I-I… you-you…”
“Save it. Do you even know how the townsfolk treat her now? How boys scatter like she’s a ghost? That she has no friends? That she bears your burdens while waiting on you hand and foot, Miss ‘Kind, Charming, Sunbeam-Sweet’ Monaluna?”
“Waaah—!” Monaluna ran off sobbing.
*Tch. Amateur.* I’m the Trash-talk Titan—level 10 in verbal combat. I’ve dominated Tieba, Weibo, and forums worldwide: twisting logic when I’m wrong, crushing opponents when I’m right. “Supreme Water Army Commander” isn’t just a title. A shut-in dares to act all high and mighty like Ye Liangchen? Now you’ve tasted my Tongue-Fu.
Guilt pricked me after making a girl cry. Seeing no one around, I bolted from the crime scene to find Old Mage.
“Master! I’m here.”
“Took you long enough. Come to the table.”
“Heh, got held up. Nice place—you’ve got books everywhere! Whoa, what’s this bone?”
“Don’t touch! It’s a巨牙豚 skull. Place your hand on the crystal ball.”
“Stingy. It’s not like it’ll grow mold.” I stepped forward and pressed my palm to the orb.
“Focus your mind. We’ll test your spiritual strength first.”
I closed my eyes and relaxed as instructed. Suddenly, a bizarre suction gripped my left hand—not on my body, but on my very consciousness. It felt like being dragged into a black hole. My head buzzed. Instinctively, I resisted. I held back a sliver of awareness to stay grounded while the rest wrestled the pull. Gradually, I found its rhythm. Teeth clenched, I gathered every ounce of will—and ripped free.
*THUD.* I hit the floor, dizzy, the room spinning. *Testing spiritual strength hurts this much? I’m quitting magic. Can I un-sign up?*
I hauled myself up using the table leg. “Master! What was that?! You could’ve warned me—it nearly killed me! How long did I last? Did I pass? Master?! What’s wrong with you?!”
“I-I… you-you…” His eyes bulged, words failing. *Do you and your granddaughter share a stutter setting?*
“What? Is my aptitude that bad?”
“Goddess above! Do you realize what you just did?”
“Tested… spiritual strength?”
“And do you know how this test works?”
I shook my head. *Seriously, old man? I’ve been in this world less than two days.*
He took a deep breath. “Normally, the array inside the crystal guides one’s spiritual energy into the orb. Brightness reveals its measure in kelun. You… you’re the first—and only—person to resist the array’s pull and break free.”
“So…?”
“According to Rune Studies and energy formulas, your spiritual strength exceeds this crystal’s maximum display capacity by at least threefold. This is a deluxe high-grade orb. Conservatively… you have over 3,000 kelun.”
“Whoa! Sounds epic. You messing with me?”
“I can’t be certain—no one’s ever done this. Even Archmages who’ve mastered magic their whole lives couldn’t escape that pull.”
“Holy crap—I’m invincible?!”
“Spiritual strength isn’t absolute power. Think of an archer: it sharpens your aim and sight, but drawing the bow requires mana. Now, let’s test your magic affinity.”
“Pfft, Master, no brag—just fact: I’m a once-in-a-millennium genius. Admit it already.” I grabbed the prism-shaped crystal he handed me. “What’s this?”
“Feel the mana crystal. Try drawing its energy into your body. With your spiritual strength, sensing mana should be easy.” His face was grim—still reeling from the shock.
I gripped the crystal, channeling my newfound focus. The sensation felt familiar—like the energy I’d sensed last night in the forest, on the fishing boat, and around Old Mage and Monaluna. *So this is mana.*
But no matter how I tried, I could only draw mana out of the crystal—not into myself. It seeped away, fading until the crystal dimmed. Bewildered, I stared at Old Mage.
Master Joseph had already noticed. After a long silence, he sighed. “I suspected as much. Of course… you’re from another world.”
“Can you explain plainly?”
“Plainly? Your magic affinity is zero. You could spot a gnat’s gender from a kilometer away, but you lack the strength to draw a bow—let alone hit the target.”
“Why?!”
“You’re not of this world. Magic is the Goddess’s gift to all living things—even beasts and insects have some affinity. Zero is impossible… unless you’re not Her creation.”
“Eh? So I can’t be a mage?” Despair crashed over me. *I thought I was a genius. Turns out I’m天生废材. Couldn’t the Goddess tweak me while resetting my age? That’s basic customer service!*
“It’s not the same. Reducing your age adjusts your form without altering your essence. Changing affinity would rewrite your soul and body—a single misstep could twist your spirit or shatter your flesh. It’s perilous.”
“Ugh… guess magic and I weren’t meant to be.” My hopes had soared then plummeted. I lifted a finger, gathering the stray mana into a glowing bead. “Such fascinating energy… and we’ll never meet. What cruel fate.”
“BOY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Old Mage shrieked.
“Jeez! Stop yelling—I almost went deaf.” I wiggled a finger in my ear. “Just recycling wasted energy. No need to be stingy.” I stuffed the mana back into the crystal with my will. Its glow shifted color.
Old Mage froze like a glitching statue. His trembling finger jabbed at me. “You didn’t imprint your soul signature on that mana—how can you control it?!”
“Huh? You need a soul signature to control mana?”
“Aha! I get it now!” he yelled. *Seriously, old man—you’d make a killer rockstar. Maybe call yourself “Half-City Joseph”?*
“It makes sense! You have no soul signature. And stray mana has none. By the Law of Magical Contracts, you’re authorized to use it! That’s why! That’s why!”
“Master, what are you muttering about?”
He vibrated with excitement. “Mages use mana because we imprint our soul signatures when absorbing it—making it ours alone. Even Archmages can only wield mana bearing their signature.”
“So what?”
“You’re from another world. You have no soul signature. By the Goddess’s contract, any unclaimed mana is yours to command.”
“Got it. I’m a loophole in your Goddess’s magic system.” *Damn. After fixing so many bugs in my past life… I became one. Karma’s a real bitch.*
“One more thing—stray mana becomes unclaimed elemental energy, right?”
“Correct. By the Law of Mana Conservation, it disperses into common elements: wind, fire, water, lightning, earth. Rarely, it becomes light, dark, death, blood, or life energy. These are called magic elements.”
“What if… you put different elements into one mana crystal?”
“It’d explode, of course!”
“How badly?!” I paled.
***POOF!!!***
The crystal in my hand answered for him.
***
Old Mage and I stood soot-faced outside the lab, staring at the smoke-choked room.
“Klars Masha.”
“Master, every time you say that name, I get chills.”
“Do you enjoy deep diving? With weights?”
