“Myriad Bones Wasteland, huh...”

After checking the map with Eileen, I stared at the wooden door before me, my face calm and my feelings anything but.

Ummmmmm...

We were now about 5.3 kilometers east of Saileda, standing before a wooden door in a small cave somewhere in the Monster Forest.

【Exploration Quest: Explore the First Level of Myriad Bones Wasteland】

【Time Limit: None】

【Reward: 30 silver coins to 4 gold coins, depending on the results】

【Quest Details: Explore the layout and map of the first underground level of Myriad Bones Wasteland. Map any unexplored areas and submit the map to the guild.】

Paper-chan ran through the quest details in my mind again, leaving me painfully conflicted.

“M-Master... Mr. Ojer, are you all right?”

I’d been staring at the battered wooden door without saying a word for ages. Eileen blinked, tilted her head, and asked me what was wrong.

“Ahem. I’m fine. Say, Eileen, are you sure you don’t want to test out Fireball first?”

“Mm-hm! I feel like I’ve completely mastered the spell! I really want to try it out as soon as possible!!”

The silver-haired girl answered with anticipation written all over her face. She hugged the black fox staff tightly to her chest, practically itching to give it a try.

She seemed even more excited than I was... Hadn’t she been a gloomy girl just yesterday?

But she said she’d completely mastered it? She’d only learned the skill a few hours ago, from a magic grimoire.

Well, confidence was a good thing, I guess.

“It might be pretty dark inside, and we’ll run into skeleton warriors now and then. Remember, no shouting, and stay close to me. Our main goal is to explore the areas no one’s mapped yet.”

I pointed to several unexplored paths on the map.

“We’ll avoid any fights we can. We need to be back before dark.”

“Yes!”

Eileen answered energetically, her ahoge bobbing.

“All right. Stay close.”

With that, I lit the torch in my hand with a tinderbox, pushed open the heavy wooden door, and stepped into this land of the dead.

In the dim underground, two figures—one tall, one short—moved quietly through the crypt.

The moment the wooden door opened, daylight poured underground. But as soon as it creaked shut, darkness swallowed almost everything in sight.

As the flame flickered, our shadows seemed to turn into monsters in a mural, stirring restlessly across the rock walls.

Every so often, our feet crunched over a few white bone fragments. Human skulls occasionally appeared in the dark, and when a ghostly breeze swept by, the flame danced in the blackness.

“It’s... so dark in here...”

Eileen huddled close behind me, her slender fingers trembling around her staff. A bead of cold sweat ran down her pale cheek.

“Well, we are underground.”

I answered simply, keeping an eye on the minimap Paper-chan had placed in the lower-left corner of my vision. The places we’d already walked through had been carved out of the darkness into pixelated paths, turning it into the sort of map you’d see in an RPG.

It looked a little like magical realism, but I had to admit it was incredibly easy to get used to.

And with Paper-chan’s sonar detection ability...

【Enemy detected 25 meters ahead, around the left turn. One.】

[Got it.]

I stopped in the middle of the path and shielded Eileen with my tall frame. Then, as she looked at me in confusion, I waited for the skeleton soldier to appear.

“Clatter, clatter.”

Soon, a skeleton soldier wrapped in tattered rags and carrying a chipped blade came around the corner, slowly making its way toward us. I immediately used Ascertain on it.

Level 11, huh...

“Shh. Don’t move. Stay hidden in my arms.”

“O-okay.”

At that, Eileen pressed her small body against my armor and stared wide-eyed at me and the approaching skeleton soldier. Her delicate fingers flexed around her staff, like she was ready to blast it to pieces.

But I just wanted to run an experiment.

“As I thought...”

The skeleton soldier didn’t even glance at us. It walked straight past, bumped into the wall at the end of the path, and only then turned a corner.

Maybe skeleton soldiers wouldn’t attack me because I was one too. I wanted to test that.

And the results were pretty interesting.

“Want to try out that new spell?” I asked the girl in my arms, looking down at her. “Mm-hm!!”

“Then go for it! Just make sure you don’t miss!” I patted her head. When the skeleton soldier started to get farther away, I called out at just the right volume and used my Taunt skill.

“Hey, you little punk!!”

【......】

“Clatter, clatter...”

After hearing a loud enough sound to count as an attack, the skeleton soldier turned around and slowly came toward us, short sword in hand, looking ready to beat me into the ground.

Too bad for it, it was just a target dummy with bones.

“Hah... haaah...”

Eileen watched the skeleton soldier walk in a straight line, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. Then she raised her staff high and murmured a simple incantation.

Energy like a blazing sun gathered at the tip of her staff. Power capable of rewriting the world flowed at her fingertips.

“Whoa! That’s amazing!”

In barely an instant, three sandbag-sized fireballs formed in front of her. Their orange-red flames even drove away every bit of darkness within sight!!

Wait... huh? Hold on...

Those fireballs are getting bigger and bigger!!

The fireballs swelled as they gathered energy, until they were as big as basketballs!

“Holy crap...”

I stared at it all, dumbstruck, my eyes wide and my jaw nearly on the floor!

Holy crap, one of those things is bigger than my head!! Eileen only learned this skill a few hours ago!!

So this is what talent looks like?!

“Hah!”

Eileen’s eyes snapped open. Bright flames flickered in her crimson eyes as the girl gave her staff a light wave. One fireball shot out and blew the skeleton soldier to pieces.

But that wasn’t the end of it. The other two fireballs seemed to have lost their target, so they flew toward the pile of bone fragments on the ground.

After two explosive booms and blasts of wind, the poor skeleton soldier went from fragments to dust, scattering through the air without ever closing its eyes. But it still wasn’t over...

“Waaah!! I can’t stop!”

“Huh?!”

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Several more basketball-sized fireballs burst from Eileen’s staff and shot wildly ahead without a target!!

Boom!

Before long, one of the walls had been blown to pieces.

【Ding-dong】

【Fireball effect recording complete】

“Wow! That felt so good, Mr. Ojer!!”

“......”

The girl who could casually fire off several cannonballs turned around and called to me excitedly. Her charming little face was flushed with excitement, and an innocent, adorable smile played on her lips.

“Ah... haha... as long as you’re having fun...”

This girl was terrifying...

“So, what now?”

“Uh, let’s keep exploring.”

“Mm-hm!”

So we continued farther along the uncharted paths in the cave, with Eileen blasting every skeleton soldier we passed along the way.

This wasn’t right! I was supposed to be the boss here!

I needed to show off a little!!

“Ahem. Eileen, why don’t you take a break?” I eyed another skeleton soldier in front of us, rubbed my hands together, and drew the short sword I’d bought earlier for one gold coin.

“Huh? Oh... all right, then. Good luck, Mr. Ojer!”

The girl took the torch from me, and the heat gathering around her staff gradually faded.

I gave a simple nod and checked the skeleton soldier’s level.

Level 15, huh... The enemies we’re running into are getting stronger.

I raised my arm and gave the skeleton soldier the middle finger!

“Come on! Fireball!”

Almost instantly, I felt a burning heat at my fingertip, but it didn’t hurt at all. The power that appeared out of nowhere was utterly intoxicating.

“Th-this is magic?!”

I never thought I’d live to see the day when I could blast enemies to pieces with a fireball!!

But just as I was getting excited...

Sssssss...

“Huh...?”

Something finally formed at my fingertip...

“What the heck is this...?”

A fireball only as big as a sandbag...

Pop.

I watched it fly away.

Then it smacked into my foot.

“.....”

I stared blankly at it without saying a word.

The skeleton soldier that was supposed to be my target stared at me too, not moving an inch.

“Clatter, clatter!!”

The next second, the skeleton soldier seemed to mock me. It raised its broken blade and charged at me!

I cut its arm off with a deeply exasperated look.

The skeleton soldier suffered a critical hit and lost an arm!

【What the hell, you’re hitting your own team!! w(゜Д゜)w】

“Huh...?”

Paper-chan seemed to shout something in my head...

Whatever. I’ll ignore it.

“Hah!”

I slashed sideways again, smashing the thigh bone it was holding.

【Ah! I’ve been hit! I’ve been hit! O(口≦)O】

“???”

[What the heck are you yelling about?]

【I’m doing the sound effects myself.】

[What the heck?]

【You’re a skeleton soldier! A skeleton fighting another skeleton is friendly fire!】

[......]

It made so much sense that I had no answer...

So I simply ignored it and chopped off the skeleton soldier’s head.

【What the hell, I’m bleeding all over the place! ∑q|ﾟДﾟ|p】

[......]

Before long, we realized that the number of skeleton soldiers along our path had increased dramatically. There was no way to avoid them anymore. Fortunately, they weren’t very high level, so we could just fight our way through.

But for me... it was practically a spiritual awakening...

Paper-chan spent the whole time playing “Friendly Fire” on loop inside my head...

【I fucking got! Hit! (๑ŐдŐ）】

【Ah, I’m hurt!! w(ﾟДﾟ)w】

【Who the hell hit me!! (ﾟДﾟ≡ﾟДﾟ)】

【I got freaking hit! ∑(°Д°】

【You bastard! You hit your own team!! Ｏ(≧口≦)Ｏ】

【Cease fire!! I’m on your side!! ヽ(*。

......

...

This was mental torture!!!

Can you imagine having an artificial idiot yell something in your head every time you swing your sword?! And the background music is a marching band tune!

It’s even worse because nobody else can hear it! You’re the only one who can!

It’s like when you’re at the airport with headphones on, listening to music. Your body wants to move to the beat, but your brain tells you to sit still if you don’t want people thinking you’re having a seizure or losing your mind.

I get why people who team-kill think it’s so damn fun now...

“Eileen, can I chop... no, we should head back. It’s almost evening.”

Hoooooom!!

After sending a skeleton soldier to meet Jesus with three fireballs, the silver-haired girl gave me an innocent, charming smile.

“Yes, Mr. Ojer!”

Underground, amid the flames, the petite girl stood surrounded by firelight, smiling as harmlessly as a little animal. Behind her, the remains of more than a dozen skeleton soldiers burned in silence. Two of them were still on fire, sprinting through the underground with reckless, heedless strides.

Bright flames lit one side of the girl’s face. In the darkness, her crimson eyes seemed to glow with a terrifying, blood-red light.

“Ah... let’s go back...”

I took her little hand and laughed weakly, looking like I was about to burst into tears.

This place...

It’s too terrifying...

【Ah! I’m fucking on fire!!】

[Could you give it a rest...?]

【Look! Your boy’s on fire!!】

[......]