Lin An and Su Yuejin went home together.

Su Yuejin took off her denim jacket when she got home. She drew the curtains shut, then opened them again. Sunlight spilled through the window, bringing a little warmth and a faint sunlit scent with it.

Then she returned to her own room, turned on her computer, and opened Taobao.

She was trying to decide what kind of cosplay outfit that guy would like. She knew that, no matter what she wore, Lin An probably wouldn’t feel much of a stir.

Even so, she wanted to search through every clue he’d given her and find the one outfit he liked best.

Su Yuejin spent a long time thinking about it. After browsing through countless pages, she finally settled on a Sora-chan maid dress.

It came from a fairly high-end shop. She entered her measurements, paid extra for expedited shipping, and received the shop’s promise that it would arrive after October 3.

But her shopping spree didn’t stop there.

Instead, she began searching for all sorts of random things. Sexy sleepwear. A ridiculously short ice-silk camisole. Thigh-high stockings that supposedly boosted attack speed. A backless sweater designed purely for fan service.

She ordered all of them in one go, then waited for the packages to arrive.

He had to like something, right?

Thinking this, Su Yuejin’s fingertips lightly brushed against the smooth skin of her thigh. She lowered her head to take a look, then reached out with a faintly self-satisfied smile and gently rubbed it.

Aside from her face, this was her greatest asset.

Her legs were slender and shapely. He had no reason to refuse her. He definitely didn’t.

That guy might be strange, but Su Yuejin could vaguely guess what drove Lin An.

He didn’t avoid touching her because he feared falling into depravity, eating her up, and tricking her out of her money, as he claimed.

What he truly feared… was falling in love with her.

That was why he wouldn’t touch her. Su Yuejin could understand Lin An’s thinking.

But what if he lost control and slept with her again?

What Lin An feared was his own possessiveness. Once something happened for the first time, there would be a second. Then a third. Eventually, it could become countless times.

Very few people could defy that kind of pattern.

Su Yuejin knew she was playing with fire. She knew she couldn’t stay as calm as Lin An in every situation. She knew she might be the one who ended up burning.

Even so, she still wanted to do it.

In this life, there were times when a person had to do something crazy.

That way, they wouldn’t leave themselves with regrets.

With that thought in mind, Su Yuejin opened her game. She planned to play a round or two before taking a shower.

But as soon as she entered, the Spirit Blossom skin page was still open on the screen.

She paused for a moment, staring at the splash art of Spirit Blossom Ahri. Then, as if she’d suddenly thought of something, she didn’t start the game.

Instead, she opened Taobao again and began fiddling around with something.

……………………………………

Xiao Chacha returned home, but she drew the curtains shut.

She didn’t like being exposed to the light. She preferred a world drowned in darkness. For some reason, it made her feel much safer.

After getting home, she opened the game and habitually checked her friends list.

Usually, there would always be one person waiting for her.

But this time, there wasn’t.

Lin An wasn’t online.

She tried sending him a message.

“Wanna play?”

His reply came quickly enough. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the answer she wanted.

“No. I’ve still got some things to deal with.”

On the surface, Lin An’s words were merely a simple refusal. But there was a deeper meaning behind them.

He had refused her, yet he’d given a reason. He just hadn’t said what that reason was.

So even if he used the same excuse next time, Xiao Chacha would have no way to argue.

Simply saying no would’ve sounded too cold. Too lacking in human warmth.

“Your ‘no’ means it’ll probably be ‘no’ from now on too, right?”

Xiao Chacha’s fingers tapped lightly against the keyboard.

About five or six seconds later, Lin An replied with a simple:

“Mm.”

“So what exactly did I do wrong, Lin An? Why are you treating me like this?”

Xiao Chacha tapped out the sentence one character at a time.

But Lin An, sitting in front of his own screen, didn’t know how to answer.

Xiao Chacha hadn’t done anything wrong. There was nothing wrong with her.

She was simply acting according to her own way of doing things. She was used to it. From her perspective, she wasn’t at fault.

But no one would bother sorting out who was right and who was wrong.

Before he could reply, Xiao Chacha typed another message.

“Was getting drunk and sleeping with you that night a mistake?”

She asked it softly.

“Do you regret it?” Lin An asked.

“I’ve never regretted it. What I do with my body is my business. It was my decision, and no one else is to blame. I don’t hate what happened.”

“Actually, when you were on top of me, I felt confused. But all sorts of messy thoughts kept coming to mind, and I couldn’t even tell what I was thinking anymore.”

“I haven’t regretted it. I also kept my promise and didn’t fall in love with you. But it feels like I still haven’t found the answer.”

“Whenever I’m around men, I’m still afraid. Just like today. I retreated into the old version of myself again—weak and useless.”

“But I still can’t break free from it. I thought I understood people. I thought I understood where feelings came from.”

“But the truth is, I’m unbelievably stupid. I can’t figure out anything.”

“When I used to play games with you, I was also thinking… Maybe if I stayed behind a screen, if I never met them face-to-face, I could slowly learn to accept men.”

“Then I met you.”

“It was like the girl you heard through the microphone. That girl was Chacha—stupid and ridiculous.”

“She’d foolishly scream, ‘Woohoo! Woohoo!’ She’d lose herself in the game world because it let her escape from so many things.”

“And you, the person beside her, comforted me and coaxed me almost perfectly. You made me change, little by little.”

“So, to some extent, I became dependent on you.”

“Because I thought we were friends. We could talk through a screen. I didn’t have to look into your eyes, and I didn’t have to feel you watching me.”

“That meant I could speak honestly. I could be the person I wanted to be.”

“After meeting you, I discovered that you were different from me. The way you were in the game was the way you were in real life.”

“Being with you was easy. I didn’t have to worry about you wanting me. I didn’t have to worry about you hurting me.”

“So I thought I could stay the same as before.”

“But you were right… I only know how to run away.”

“I’m afraid of men, yet I still long to be loved. So I started wondering if maybe I liked girls instead.”

“But then you, you awful bastard, had to ask me if I wanted to kiss you.”

“And I actually felt my heart move.”

“So I agreed. I thought that even if I sank into desire, maybe it would slowly make me better.”

“Maybe I could gradually grow up and become the person I wanted to be.”

“That’s why I didn’t regret it. And I didn’t blame you.”

“But I think I still messed everything up…”

“You won’t even play games with me anymore, Lin An.”

Xiao Chacha typed every word with her teeth clenched tight.

Her nose suddenly began to sting. She didn’t want to cry, so she forced herself to hold it back.

But the tears still fell, one after another.

The cold light from the monitor illuminated her face.

Xiao Chacha had never considered herself a crybaby.

Yet today, she had cried twice.

A few seconds later, her computer notified her of an incoming voice call.

The request came from Lin An.

She accepted it and put on her headset, but the tears kept falling. Her broken, intermittent sobs reached Lin An through the call.

“I knew you were crying,” Lin An said first.

“But I didn’t know why. I just felt that you must’ve been crying while typing.”

“I thought about it again and again. Do you want to hear what I came up with?”

“Yes.”

Xiao Chacha’s voice was hoarse, broken by uneven sobs.

“Because you’re not determined enough, Xiao Chacha.”

“You’re still lost. You can’t figure out what you really want.”

“But you’re different from Su Yuejin, aren’t you?”

“She isn’t that afraid of being alone. Before this, her need for love was already very low. She kept failing to receive love, so she learned to provide it for herself.”

“But when she truly encounters love, she’ll throw herself into it like a moth flying into a flame.”

“As for you, you chose a strange path because of the love you lacked.”

“Then there’s the problem of your orientation, along with the rules imposed by society and your family.”

“All of that has made you more confused. More twisted.”

“You’re like a tangled ball of yarn. Everything’s wrapped together, and you can’t find the end.”

“So, from the looks of it… your problems are far more serious than Su Yuejin’s.”

“I don’t like interfering in other people’s lives. I’m afraid of misleading them and sending them down the wrong path.”

“But if you consider me a friend, I can help you a little.”

“I don’t have many friends. I’ve never really had the kind of friends people are supposed to have.”

“I think I could still live my whole life simply.”

Xiao Chacha listened blankly to his gentle voice.

“You can be vulnerable too. You can cry too.”

“You want someone to treat you gently, don’t you, Xiao Chacha?”

“I hope you can get better.”

“Maybe I can give something in return. Maybe it’s compensation. Or maybe it’s simply my own foolish wish.”

“But there’s one condition.”

“Xiao Chacha, I can give you methods and advice. They might not be right. They might even lead you in an even worse direction.”

“Even so, do you still want the answer?”

“I do.”

She didn’t hesitate.

Her voice was firm. Tears shimmered in her eyes, and her fingertips trembled faintly.

“Then… should we go out and talk properly, or talk at your place?”

“I can come to your place,” Xiao Chacha said.

“No. Xu Qinghuan would punch me into the floor.”

“Besides… you know I already have someone, right?”

“I know. Xu Qinghuan.”

“So you really did investigate me…”

“I was wondering how you knew I smoked.”

“Anyway, I’m free tonight. I’ll just keep you company and talk for a while.”

“So, are we going out, or staying in?”

“I want a drink.”

“I should warn you. Drinking isn’t a way to escape reality.”

“But a little won’t hurt. Let’s go to the same bar as last time—the one where I treated you.”

“Wait a moment. I’ll ask for permission before heading out.”

“Okay. I’ll wait.”

Xiao Chacha wiped her tears dry.