4 a.m.
Lin An lit one of Xiao Chacha’s cigarettes and leaned against the bed, trying to clear his head. He was already mostly sober—the alcohol had faded. Xiao Chacha lay limply on the sheets, gazing at his profile.
“So… what are your thoughts on last night?” Lin An glanced back.
“Meh. Not much… though it was… pretty nice.” She smiled at him.
Lin An shrugged helplessly. “Just remember what we agreed on, Sis Chacha.”
“I look younger than you! Why call me ‘Sis’?”
“I’m eighteen. You’re nineteen, Sis Chacha.” His tone carried a childish lilt. He took a few puffs and stubbed the cigarette out. *Better not smoke. Bad for you.*
Xiao Chacha’s eyes lingered on his side profile. A faint ache remained, yet the memory sent a warm, tingling ripple through her. She gently kicked his waist with her bare foot.
“Come sleep.”
“I want to go home… but it’s not the right time. Wait—I’m thinking.”
*How to explain to Xu Qinghuan?* Big problem. He’d stayed out all night, yet she hadn’t texted once. *If she’d sent even one message… I wouldn’t have slept with Xiao Chacha today. Guilt would’ve stopped me.*
But she didn’t. So he fell back on habit.
Not that it was hard to justify. *Met that streamer girl again for dinner. Played games at her place all night.* Xu Qinghuan would believe him. She always saw through his lies before—but Lin An had evolved.
“Enough thinking. Sleep,” Xiao Chacha murmured, pulling him close. Her eyes sparkled. “Thank you.”
Lin An stayed silent.
*Smack.* She kissed his cheek. “Was it… too fast?”
“Nope. Strictly business. You pay, I deliver. No ‘fast’ or ‘slow’.”
She shot him a playful glare. “I know.”
“It’s the classic post-hookup regret routine. But hey—I warned you in the bathroom. Who told you to… climb on top yourself?”
A blush crept up her neck. Too shy to continue, she pinched his cheek lightly. “You’re awfully experienced. Slept with many girls?”
“Huh? It’s not about numbers. Even with one person, enough times and you learn.”
“Guess so,” she mumbled.
“Let’s sleep. Tomorrow, we’re… above strangers, below friends.” His voice was soft, final.
Her heart clenched. *I told myself no feelings were growing… so why does it hurt?*
“Can’t we just be… friends with benefits?” Her voice turned sweet.
“Hm? You’re not bad,” she added—but caught his whisper:
“Truth is… it was curiosity. About you. Not just desire. We don’t interfere with each other’s lives. That’s why it’s fine.”
“Everyone has desires. Facing them is normal. You too.”
“But no FWB. Just once. If you enjoy it later… find someone else. Don’t tell me. I’d still feel… off.”
“Hm?”
“Men have possessiveness. I’m chill about it. So… no next time. Never.”
His hand stroked her hair—warm gesture, cold tone.
Xiao Chacha listened, tears pricking her eyes. *Why does it ache so much? I don’t like him. Absolutely not.*
...
“Who’s prettier? Me or Su Yuejin?” she blurted.
“…Must you compare? To me, she is.”
“Personality?”
“You, I guess. You understand love more… twisted as it is. We’re both twisted. But you can’t love. I can.”
“I just lack the ability to *be* loved.”
“Sleep.”
She nestled against his chest, eyes closed.
...
Morning light seeped through unopened curtains. Lin An checked the time—almost late for school.
Thankfully, Xiao Chacha’s washer had a dryer. As he dressed, she stirred awake.
“Remember to buy the pill later.”
“Aren’t guys who make girls take pills trash?” Her bare foot nudged his waist.
“We didn’t have time last night.”
“Couldn’t *you* buy it for me?”
“Fine.” He sighed. *Too embarrassing for her.* He bought the box, returned, watched her swallow it.
She lay completely naked.
Tempting.
Lin An turned away. “I’m leaving?”
“No cuddles?” She pouted slightly.
*Like a fleeting dream.* Him. One night. Something had taken root, watered by longing.
“No. False comfort breeds false love. You get it, right?” His eyes held quiet warning.
Xiao Chacha laughed it off. “Go on, then.”
He left. She stared at the empty space.
*He’s gone. Just… gone.*
...
She’d initiated it. Not his words. He’d even warned her—naming a psychological trick kills its power.
No blame. She’d wanted an answer. Or just comfort. She never believed she could be saved.
But now… clarity.
No loss. She’d felt no discomfort. Only mutual solace. Mutual gain.
Yet after he left… a hollow ache remained.
She transferred 12,000 yuan.
Lin An sent back 10,000.
*“Drinks were covered. The rest is on me. Rest well. Game later, Sis Chacha.”*
“Mm, okay,” she typed.
She rose, folded the sheet stained with faint crimson, changed clothes, and stood by the window.
Morning sun bathed her in gentle gold. She stretched, lightness returning to her limbs.
Phone in hand, she opened Su Yuejin’s chat.
*“Your man’s not bad.”*
The words hovered for two minutes.
Unsent.
Sending it would mean she didn’t care—about him, or herself. She’d rise above it all.
But she couldn’t.
*If I send this… whether they fight or not, he and I… we’re done.*
Revenge on Su Yuejin? The joy she’d craved felt suddenly hollow.
Fear flickered.
*He was just… someone. A flash in the dark.*
No blaming alcohol. No regret.
Only fear of what comes next.
He’d been so clear. So cold. *No feelings. Not even a trace.*
Like a deal with the devil.
She finally understood love…
But could never reach it again.
