“You’re just running away!”
Cen Man’s final words echoed endlessly in Feng Yijiu’s mind. They were like a bloody knife, hacking straight through her hardened shell and completely destroying the defenses inside her.
Feng Yijiu stared blankly at Cen Man, who was speaking with such severity. She didn’t even realize that tears had already begun streaming down her face.
Drip. Drip.
“You’re running away. If this is a difficulty, then you’re the deserter—the coward. Is this what you call carrying yourself like a boy, like a real man?”
“If you truly see yourself as a boy, then you should stand on your own and grow stronger according to what you believe in. You shouldn’t wrap yourself up so tightly.”
Cen Man continued speaking.
“You keep saying that you reject everything feminine, but how are your actions any different from those of a spoiled little girl?”
“Yes, your dad loves you. You could even say he dotes on you. But how have you repaid him? By showing him that, after that accident, you’ll stay forever trapped in your own little world, constantly running from everything outside it? By burying your head in the sand and pretending that nothing happened, that everything is fine?”
“Manman… I…”
Only after opening her mouth did Feng Yijiu realize that her eyes were already blurred with tears.
“All I can say is this: I’ve prepared your clothes for you. And if you want to stop things before they get worse, before you develop abnormally here, come find me yourself. I’m done getting involved in the rest.”
After saying that, Cen Man gritted her teeth. She no longer paid attention to Feng Yijiu, who looked so miserable and pitiful, and walked straight out of the room.
Bang—
The door slammed shut.
Feng Yijiu staggered to her feet and walked over to lock the door.
Click.
The sound of the lock was unusually crisp.
Outside, Cen Man opened the front door and walked up to Feng Mingdong, who was sitting on the shoe bench and smoking. She nodded at him.
Feng Mingdong turned his head and waved lightly.
Cen Man returned to the room with an exasperated look. Meanwhile, Feng Mingdong took the cigarette from his mouth, coughed softly twice, and stubbed it out again.
At that moment, inside Feng Yijiu’s room—
Feng Yijiu sat alone in a chair, her head tilted slightly upward and her eyes closed.
After a long while, she pulled out her phone in a daze and aimlessly scrolled through a few meaningless short videos.
After another long while, she exited the app and opened a game.
As if guided by some strange impulse, Feng Yijiu tapped open the Heroes screen. She stopped on Hua Mulan’s page.
Against the boundless backdrop of a vast desert, a valiant female swordswoman strode onto the screen.
“Running away won’t solve the war. It’ll only solve you.”
The hero on the phone spoke a line Feng Yijiu knew by heart.
“Haa…”
The phone screen automatically shut off after sitting idle for too long. Feng Yijiu, however, let out a long breath.
…
Click.
A faint sound came from the lock outside Feng Yijiu’s room.
Feng Mingdong and Cen Man were both sitting in the living room when they saw someone walk out with her head lowered.
Feng Mingdong opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but in the end, he closed it again.
Feng Yijiu walked over and sat down in front of Cen Man and Feng Mingdong. She kept her head lowered and stayed silent for a long time before finally saying, “I’m… sorry.”
Even Feng Yijiu hadn’t expected her voice to sound so hoarse.
She sniffed hard, then looked at Cen Man.
“Manman, I won’t do this anymore.”
After saying that, Feng Yijiu’s entire body went limp, as if someone had pulled every bone from it.
She slowly stood up and walked stiffly toward the bathroom.
That night, Feng Yijiu filled the bathtub, which was usually little more than decoration, and climbed in for a bath.
Steam rose through the air, but Feng Yijiu lowered her head beneath the water.
Blub, blub, blub…
A string of bubbles escaped from her nose.
Feng Yijiu lifted her head and shook her damp hair.
Splash—
She slowly raised one hand from the water and watched the droplets slide down along the lines of her body. At first, they formed a thin stream. Then they gathered into large, heavy drops.
Feng Yijiu placed her hand in front of herself and gently rubbed the area that had grown sore and swollen from being bound these past few days.
She slowly curled her finger and flicked one protruding spot.
“Mm…”
Feng Yijiu’s cheeks flushed slightly. The pain made one thing perfectly clear to her.
This was a part of her body. It couldn’t be replaced, and it couldn’t be separated from her.
“Whatever. Let it be whatever it is.”
Feng Yijiu raised her head and gave the ceiling a long, slender middle finger.
If she ever wrote a novel in the future, her protagonist’s name would definitely end with “Hao.” Don’t ask why. The answer was simply that the character looked badass enough.
After dawdling for quite a while, Feng Yijiu finally left the bathroom. But when she entered her room, she discovered that Manman had apparently been waiting there for a long time.
“Watch what I do. Massage yourself like this. Binding that area for several days may have caused some of the capillaries to become blocked. Watch me, then massage it yourself.”
Cen Man raised both hands and demonstrated, moving her fingers over several acupoints in front of her body.
Feng Yijiu watched as her face slowly turned red.
“Manman…”
“Do it or don’t. I’ve already taught you.”
“But… but…”
Feng Yijiu lowered her head and looked down. After hesitating, she placed both hands in front of herself. She gritted her teeth, then pressed down hard.
“It’s so sore…”
Feng Yijiu immediately lost all her strength.
Cen Man simply stopped moving her hands and waited for Feng Yijiu to follow along at her own pace.
Feng Yijiu gritted her teeth again. She forced down her embarrassment and continued the motions.
…
Early the next morning, when Feng Yijiu woke up, she found two sets of clothes on her bedside table.
One was her old set of boys’ clothes. Beside it lay a roll of gauze that had clearly been washed and disinfected.
The other set was women’s clothing. It wasn’t a skirt, but Feng Yijiu could still tell that, compared to boys’ clothes, it belonged to a girl.
What was more, resting on top of the clothes was a brand-new off-white bra in a different size.
Cen Man’s meaning was perfectly clear.
She wanted Feng Yijiu to honor their agreement and make her own choice.
Feng Yijiu gritted her teeth and gently tore the tag from the off-white fabric.
Rustle, rustle…
