I stole a cautious glance at Li Xiaoyao, heart thumping with anxiety. What if my only friend suddenly got into philosophy too, leaving me in a real bind?

Thankfully, Li Xiaoyao seemed oblivious. He tucked his phone away and fixed eager eyes on me. “So? So? Isn’t she insanely cute?”

“Uh… I guess…” I turned my head guiltily, trying to steer the topic. “Weird though… I mean—not me—but isn’t this girl kinda average?”

“Xiao Xi, what do you know?” Li Xiaoyao scoffed. “You’re the type who likes older sisters for that security vibe, right? But I’m different! I want a girl madly in love with me, can’t live without me—gentle, pure, refreshingly genuine.”

Gentle, pure, genuine… Hearing my best buddy describe *me* like that did zero for my mood.

Li Xiaoyao kept gushing: “...Honestly, first time I saw that video—*thump*—you know what that was? My heart skipping a beat! And check the comments—someone said she’s a student at our school! Too bad no name or grade…”

Huh?

I’d bet my life that comment came from *that* devilish girl. Her malicious smirk flickered behind my eyes again.

A cold sweat broke out. My words stumbled: “N-no way… Right? Internet celebs are everywhere. That comment’s probably just random gossip?”

Li Xiaoyao’s face glowed with excitement. “What if it’s true? Isn’t this fate? If…”

Fate my ass!

“...If I spot her at school, I’ll tail her home, shut the door, lock it tight…”

Wait—why did this wholesome school romance suddenly take a dark, R-rated turn? This isn’t the bus to kindergarten!

And why did chuunibyou Li Xiaoyao sound so unnervingly grim all of a sudden?

“Xiao Xi… you know what I’ll do?”

“D-do her?” I trembled, a chill shooting down my spine.

“Pfft! I’d lock the door, drop to my knees, and pour out a heartfelt confession—”

Ugh, back to romance tropes… A bit possessive, but what if she’s into that?

NO! That girl is *me*! Damn it—I am *not* into this!

“...If she refuses, I’ll tie her up and win her over with love until she says yes.”

Why… why does everyone love this forced-play fantasy? Seriously, just leave this exhausted guy alone!

A wave of dread hit me. I cut into his daydream: “Ever think her parents might call the police?”

“Call the police? What police?” Li Xiaoyao blinked, genuinely confused. “Wait—in games, pretty single girls always live alone! They just put up token resistance before surrendering sweetly.”

Hey, what R-rated games are you even playing?!

“Xiao Xi, don’t look at me like I’m a creep! I’m a totally upright, healthy sunshine boy!”

Yeah, right… Hand over that hard drive already.

But he *did* remind me—I *am* living alone. What if he spots me in girl clothes and tails me secretly…?

“Ah… Class is starting.” Li Xiaoyao scrambled back to his seat.

*Tap… tap… tap…*

The crisp click of high heels announced the homeroom teacher’s entrance. Students instantly hushed, sliding into seats with disciplined haste.

Quick intro: our homeroom teacher is Qin Min, 24, graduate of a top normal university. Youthful face, curvaceous figure—the boys’ favorite pastime? Guessing her bra color today. Sometimes the bold ones even debated *if* she wore one. For guys, that topic could spark endless, sleepless debates.

But today, before those shifty-eyed classmates could speak, Teacher Qin strode in, slammed a stack of papers on the lectern—her chest shifting slightly with the motion. “Morning, class! Straight to the monthly exam results. First place—again—Han Chengcheng. Applause!”

*Clap clap clap…*

Amid applause, a petite girl walked to the podium and took her paper.

“Student Han Chengcheng, tradition calls for a few words.”

At Haide High School, winners always gave short remarks—big events or tiny quizzes.

The expressionless girl barely shrugged. “Passing such an easy exam first isn’t worth pride.”

The classroom air turned subtly tense.

Truthfully? My feelings were even more complicated.

Clutching her score sheet, Han Chengcheng moved with aloof indifference, ignoring everyone. My seat was near the podium—yet she deliberately avoided my gaze, eyes never lingering.

I’m not delusional enough to expect stranger attention. We *were* childhood friends once.

Before high school, we were close… Now? She treats me colder than a stranger.

*Sigh*… Where’s that adorable little girl who tugged my sleeve, followed me like a shadow, chirping “Brother, brother”? Why so distant now…

My gaze drifted to her twin ponytails. I still remember—finding her alone on the street years ago, this exact hairstyle. Seven years later, she’d grown taller, but the hair stayed the same.

Han Chengcheng returned to her seat. Teacher Qin continued: “Second place: Shi Yue. Just one point behind. Keep pushing next time.”

A gentle-looking girl stepped up—oval face, delicate features, voice shy. “Yes, teacher. I’ll keep trying.”

Shi Yue: average height, sweet-faced, quiet demeanor. Classmates whispered she was our class beauty; neighboring classes called her school beauty. No official contest exists—any widely admired girl earns the title. Rumor said her family ran big business, wealthy. But at Haide High, affluent backgrounds were common. I never dug deeper.

As a normal guy, denying interest in her would be lying. But I know my place—a short guy like me? No shot with a popular beauty like her.

Li Xiaoyao, though? He’s had his eyes on Shi Yue since day one. School rules blocked public confession, so he pulled sneaky moves—dabbled in dark magic, even ordered a “medieval grimoire” off Taobao with a “true love potion,” free shipping included.

*Sigh*… This hopeless chuunibyou.

Teacher Qin announced on: “Third place…”

Three minutes later, at rank twenty-three, I got my paper. No praise, no pep talk—just average score, average effort. Exactly as expected.