"Hmph! Heh, Shen Yufeng, did you swallow the wrong pill or something?"

I placed my hand on Shen Yufeng’s forehead.

"No fever. Why are you spouting nonsense here?"

"Shoo, shoo! I’m serious. Haven’t you felt exhausted lately?"

I’ve been too lazy to move every single day.

"And lost your appetite every morning?"

That’s ’cause I stayed up late playing GALGAME the night before, wolfed down instant noodles, and had zero hunger the next morning.

"Most importantly—you’ve got a stiff neck!"

That’s ’cause Aunt Mengmeng hugged my neck like a teddy bear all night.

"Think hard. Isn’t every word I said spot-on? I know you’re too shocked to speak."

I waved my hand, chuckling. "Nah, you’re overthinking it. I’m perfectly fine."

"Wrong! You feel okay now, but dark energy clings to you. Your forehead’s shadowed. You’ll kick the bucket soon."

I knew my buddy might actually be something special, but I had to play normal—or the act would flop.

"So, Master, what should I do?"

"Don’t worry. I sensed your trouble and came to save you from this misery."

Save me? Fine! Just split the bill for that takeout you ordered earlier. Why half? ’Cause a lady never pays!

I sighed, faking exhaustion. "You’ve been binge-watching Hong Kong ghost flicks again, you old pervert? If you’re a master, I’m Lam Ching-ying reincarnated! Go home. Stop freeloading—utilities cost money!"

"What?! I save your life, and you demand payment? You’re heartless! No wonder ghosts target you. Lam Ching-ying reincarnated? You’re Scrooge’s second coming!"

"Yuchen! I’m stepping out for a bit. Guard the house, okay?" Aunt Mengmeng called as she left, cutting through our bickering.

"Got it!"

"Hey! She was talking to me, not you. Why’d you butt in?"

"I was chatting with my future wife!"

"Trying to flirt with my aunt? You’re asking for a Buddha’s Palm slap!"

Seriously, one dragon claw strike from me, and you’d be dead.

"Ahem… No more jokes. I’ve hidden my true identity. I’m the 93rd-generation leader of the Taoist Path. Folks on the streets call me—‘Jianghu’s Tao Brother: ruthless and tight-lipped!’ Pretty cool, huh?"

"Cool! So cool you’re about to blast off into space."

Jianghu’s Dog Brother? More like a coward who won’t shut up!

"Whoa! Your tone reeks of sarcasm. Fine, I’ll show you real skills. See this olive leaf wiped with cow tears? Rub it on your eyes, and you’ll see ghosts!"

I’ve got Crimson Gold Dragon Pupils—I see gods, let alone ghosts. Rubbing that weird stuff on my eyes? That’d be IQ suicide.

Shen Yufeng, seeing me hesitate and not touch the leaf, dug into his backpack. Out came a pile of stuff: Yellow Talismans, an ancient Seven Star Coin Sword, and an absurdly oversized Taoist robe. Where’d he get all this? Did he lug it to school daily?

"Hey, jump-rope dancer, you gonna set up an altar next?"

"You think this is a movie? You wouldn’t get it, outsider. I’m traveling light today—left my best gear behind. We’ll make do."

Ignoring the flashy getup, I wasn’t used to seeing the old pervert so serious. Mostly, it was just hilarious.

"I sense it—an unprecedented power leaking from this room."

Are you even a Taoist Priest? You’re just a terminal case of chuunibyou.

"Stay put. I’ll go exorcise that evil spirit!"

"Sure. Knock yourself out."

Shen Yufeng grabbed my arm, whining. "Wait! Can… can you come with me? It’s embarrassing, but this is my first ghost hunt. I’m kinda nervous."

No wonder his legs trembled nonstop. I thought he was trying to get possessed by his ancestral master.

"But I don’t know ghost-hunting. Won’t I just mess you up?"

"Nah. Just stand there and yell ‘666’ for moral support."

Damn! I’m not some lazy fish who only shouts “666.” This is pissing me off. Fine, I’ll go in—just wait and see.

Shen Yufeng pushed open my bedroom door, Yellow Talismans in one hand, Seven Star Coin Sword in the other. Fully armed, yet crawling like a snail. My room’s barely fifteen square meters—seriously?

"Huh? I felt its presence, but I can’t see it. Did the cow tears fail?"

I glanced up. A girl with long bangs covering her face lay face-down on the ceiling, watching us. Any normal person would’ve screamed.

Mengze opened her mouth but made no sound. I read her lips slowly.

‘Make… him… leave… so… annoying!’

I scratched my head, clueless how to kick the old pervert out.

"Maybe the ghost’s hiding from me. Buddy, stick these talismans on the doors and windows. Traps it inside."

Shen Yufeng shoved a bundle of Yellow Talismans into my hands. I looked back up. Mengze’s eyes were brimming with tears, glaring at Shen Yufeng like a scorned wife ready to strangle him.

"Done. The ghost can’t escape now. Time for a thorough search. Sorry, bro—I’ll have to open your drawers and closet. My bad."

Oh no! Mengze’s skull is hidden under my bed. If he finds it, I’m screwed! Can’t exactly say it’s a Peking Man fossil…

I shot Mengze a look from the ceiling: *Get down here and explain!* But she misread it. Her pale hands sprouted blood-red claws. She floated toward Shen Yufeng, face twisted in rage.

"Nope in the closet either. Where is this ghost—ah! A female ghost!"

Shen Yufeng turned after checking my closet—and froze. Mengze’s face was drenched in blood, back in her vengeful spirit form from our first meeting. She seized his neck and lifted him high.

"Cough! Die, evil spirit! Taishang Laojun, heed my command!"

Shen Yufeng slapped Yellow Talismans on Mengze’s arms. White smoke hissed out like a hot iron on fabric. Mengze dropped him.

"Heh! Scared now? Taste my Seven Star Coin Sword!"

Mengze darted left and right, dodging Shen Yufeng’s swings. After five minutes, he was panting, sweat dripping. Mengze? Unfazed. Ghosts don’t get tired, after all.

"Pant… Don’t fear, bro. I’ll catch her soon. Just… one more minute!"

Shen Yufeng dismantled his Seven Star Coin Sword into loose coins and hurled them at Mengze. She caught every single one.

"Holy crap! Are ghosts this tough now? These are ancestral-master-blessed coins! How’d she catch them so easily?"

If Shen Yufeng knew Mengze was just playing along, he’d lose all faith in being a Taoist Priest.

I shot Mengze another look from behind Shen Yufeng: *Wrap it up and bail!*

This time, she got it. She let out a bloodcurdling shriek and leaped out the window.

Do your ghost job properly! Even if it’s acting, be convincing! Attacks with lag? …Wait, my window! Gone! Shattered like my heart.

Shen Yufeng burst out laughing after Mengze jumped. "My attacks worked! Ghost exorcised! First mission, total victory. My future’s bright! Why aren’t you happy?"

Happy? Happy my room’s trashed and that freeloading idiot ghost smashed my window? You’re paying for repairs!

"Since it’s my first exorcism and you’re my bro, I’ll waive the fee. That ghost won’t return. But your dark aura’s still thick. Here—boil this Yellow Talisman, drink the water. You’ll be fine."

Seriously?! You wrecked my place, and now you’re playing quack doctor to kill me? What’s this black gunk?! No! I’m not sick! Keep it away!

"Gurgle…" But Shen Yufeng forced a whole cup of talisman water down my throat. My stomach churned all night—I spent it sprinting to the toilet.

Meanwhile, he hijacked my bed. Utterly vile!

Shen Yufeng, you idiot Taoist Priest—I’ll never forgive you.

Stomach cramp again… Toilet… toilet…