Interviewee 1 (Male):

"Hello, are you Zhangyuanzhou from Linhai No.1 High? I'm a reporter from Linhai Times. Got a minute?"

"Huh? What's up? Talent scouts? Finally spotted my charm, huh?"

"Are you in the same class as Yumo?"

"That guy!? I—I don't know! I know nothing!! Don't even mention him to me!!!!"

Interviewee 2 (Male):

"Excuse me, are you Teacher Liu? Former homeroom teacher of Class 3, Grade 2 at Linhai No.1 High?"

"Mm, yes! As an educator, I've taught elite classes for six straight years, and—"

"Could I ask about Yumo?"

"...If you mean that disrespectful, rule-breaking black sheep, I can't oblige."

Interviewee 3 (Female):

"Hello, I heard you're the chemistry teacher at Linhai No.1 High?"

"Yes, what's the matter...?"

"How much do you know about Yumo?"

"Huh? Him... um... well... his reputation's weird, but... he's actually really nice... Huh? Blushing? I'm not! Your imagination..."

Interviewee 4 (Female):

"Hello, are you Yumo's stepmother? Can I take a minute?"

"Sorry, busy with work. No time."

"About the rumors between idol Xin Qing and him, do you know any insider—"

"Ask him! I know nothing! That kid never talks; no one knows what's in his head!"

Interviewee 5 (Female):

"I'm from Linhai Times. Are you Yumo's stepsister?"

"Yes... so?"

"What's Yumo like at home?"

"............... I don't know. We barely talk... Better not dig deep into him."

Interviewee 6 (Female):

"Hello, classmate, got a minute?"

"Huh? Interview me? I—I'm not ready... What do you want?"

"Is Yumo your classmate?"

"Yes!!! Yumo's super super super nice, super handsome, super reliable, super gentle, super amazing! Awesome!!!"

"Ah... really? Heard about the rumors between idol Xin Qing and Yumo?"

"Oh, that? I approve."

"???"

Interviewee 7 (Female):

"Hello, how much do you know about Yumo and idol Xin Qing's rumors?"

"...Who are you?"

"I'm from Linhai Times, and about this matter—"

"None of your business! Reporter? Do you crawl like cockroaches to disgust people?"

"Ah, we're just reporting—please don't say that..."

"Think my attitude's bad? What, I'm some lady? This boring interview troubles him. Get lost!"

Interviewee 8 (Female):

"Excuse me! Got a moment? Do you know Yumo from your school—"

"Asking about the boring rumors between idol Xin Qing and him?"

"Huh? Yes, since Miss Xin Qing went public, everyone's been—"

"John Bardeen won two Nobels yet stayed humble. Kafka wrote masterpieces yet stayed obscure. But some minor idols get full of themselves, brazenly tangled with married men, ignoring basic manners. Does that deserve public fame?"

"Ah, huh? What are you saying...?"

"Just a brief critique. Don't mind it~"

Interviewee 9 (Male):

"Hello, uh, are you... Yumo...?"

"...Hm? Who are you?"

"I'm Linhai Times entertainment reporter, about the online rumors—Huh? What's that in your hand?"

"Huh? You're seeing things. (puts it away)"

"Didn't you just take out something like a crowbar from your bag...?"

"You saw wrong."

"But I really saw—"

"You saw wrong."

"But—"

"I have many enemies. Problem?"

"...No. Just— are rumors about you and Miss Xin Qing true? Her agency refuses interviews, and rumors spread!"

"First, may I ask you questions? (takes out paper)"

"Huh? Me?"

"Answer honestly, and I'll answer your interview."

"Well... okay?"

"Your age? Rough range."

"Around twenty-five."

"Boyfriend?"

"Single... I guess?"

"Advanced martial arts training?"

"Hah? No."

"Oh (crosses something off), live-fire shooting experience?"

"How could I...?"

"Oh (crosses out), cross-dresser or intersex?"

"Of course not!"

"Oh (crosses out), willing to have sex with me next week?"

"...Are you harassing me?"

"Oh (crosses out), ties to criminal gangs?"

"Of course not!"

"Oh (crosses out), terminal illness killing you within a year?"

"Impossible!"

"Oh (crosses out, shakes head disappointedly), none match... Talking to you wastes my time."

"My time's wasted—Wait! You promised to answer!"

"We haven't reached the relationship you love imagining. That's all."

"Wait, hold on, wai————"

——————————

——————————

"Sigh..."

Two days later, Yumo watched his widely shared interview video online. Seeing his own goofy face on screen, he sighed deeply.

"Why was this joke of an interview released uncut..." he groaned, ruffling his hair.

"It's already a meme on the ProfitProfit danmaku site," said the Demon, crouching behind him and munching a meat-filled bun.

"I don't need reminding..."

"You actually used a checklist on that reporter. So desperate."

"Who do you think forced me!?"

"Hurry with the idol thing. She performs at Haiking Stadium this weekend. If you don't go on stage naked, play an awesome guitar solo, propose publicly, and succeed, your mother dies."

"...That's why I'm practicing now!"

Yumo rubbed his temples impatiently, ignoring phone messages from his girlfriend, delinquent girl, senior, daughter, school beauty, teacher, idol, sister... and other hair-pulling stressful people. He kept strumming his guitar.

Half a year ago, he could never have imagined his life becoming such a mess.