Huh? Transformation, what the hell?
Before I could react, Hippo was already rambling on his own. “Old Wu, you definitely woke up one morning and found you’d turned into a girl, right? You skipped class for days last week because you couldn’t accept it. You got depressed, even flirted with death, then barely came around and tried to cosplay your old male self to keep attending, didn’t you? When you came back after leave, I felt something was off. Your face shape didn’t match, and you had that nice scent only girls have. Something’s up.”
My jaw dropped. This guy’s brain hole is way too wild. I hadn’t said a word yet, and he’d already filled in a whole bizarre saga.
“Old Wu, I’ve read tons of gender-bender novels. I totally get your mood. Being a girl isn’t bad, especially when you’re this pretty. If your orientation shifts, find a good man and marry him. If it doesn’t, go yuri and chase girls. You can even wander into the women’s bathhouse and the ladies’ room. Move into the girls’ dorm and steal loads of worn panties to sniff all day. Do you know how many men would kill for that?”
Hippo, is there a hole in your head? You’re taking novel stuff as truth now? I didn’t want him running wild with his headcanon. I cleared my throat a little and told him the facts. “I didn’t transform. I went through some elemental baptism, a body remodel during magic practice. Mostly my face changed. Everything else is about the same as the original.”
I didn’t expect Hippo to brush that off with a snort. “Huh? Elements? Magic practice? You’ve read way too many fantasy novels. There’s no magic in this world. Old Wu, you’re 17. There’s a limit to chuunibyou.”
And you, an idiot who treats gender-bender plots like reality, have the nerve to say that?
He still believed his own headcanon. His soft, chunky body edged closer to me. “Old Wu, you really don’t have to be sad. You look so pretty after transforming. Isn’t being a beauty better than being a short, ugly loser? And don’t forget, you’ve got me. Any worries or secrets, you can tell your bro.”
Decision made. As of now, you’re not my bro.
Hippo saw me staying silent and got a little awkward. “Then… then should we keep watching the movie?”
Like hell we’re watching anything. Were you hoping I’d jump into your arms when I got scared? I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV. I opened the curtains and the lights, and even cracked the front door. I glared at him, annoyed. “Hippo, it’s late. If you go home too late, your parents will nag.”
“No, no. I told them I’m reviewing at your place. They know you. It’s fine.” Hippo sat like a stone statue, not budging an inch.
“Hey, hey. Planning to squat here and not leave? Are we sleeping together tonight too?”
“You remember the spring trip to East Lake in middle school. The school stuffed six people into each triple room to save money. You and I squeezed into one bed back then. Old Wu, you’re girl outside, guy inside. Sharing a bed with me is fine, right?”
As if! I seriously wanted to sling a wind blade and scrap this gross fatty’s balls. Seeing this big meatball firmly planted on my sofa, I gave up on telling him the truth. I’d talk and he wouldn’t believe me anyway.
Of course, I had a trump card. I pulled out my phone and dialed He Wei’s mom. “Hello, Auntie, this is Wu Tong… Mm, He Wei says he’s reviewing at my place, but he’s been gaming the whole time. I can’t talk him down… Mm, I’ll hand the phone to him.”
I passed the phone over, grinning with schadenfreude. He Wei took it with a pale face. The scolding blasted through the speaker. I was three meters away and heard every word loud and clear.
A full ten minutes later, He Wei finally lowered the phone. He stared straight at me. “Old Wu, you’re ruthless!”
“Hmph. Now you know what happens when you don’t listen to me.” I lifted my little face, smug.
He Wei was always scared of his mom, so he had to leave, though he paused at the doorway. He shyly fidgeted with his fingers. “Old Wu, our promise from the East Lake trip… you’ll keep it, right?”
“What promise?”
“If one of us suddenly turns into a girl, you gotta let your bro have a good—”
“Xinai!” I kicked him out with all my might.
Now things were a bit messy. Besides the Xu sisters and Yuan Ba, one more person had seen my current face. Honestly, when I’m home alone, I’ve been taking selfies and staring in the mirror a lot. I never get tired of this pretty little face. But I’m also a bit depressed. No matter how pretty, I’m still a man. At best I’m a top-tier trap, and I’m not into that. I just want my normal campus routine, my normal life track, and to have a bunch of normal little monkeys with Jiayi…
Mom seems about to return to China. Dad’s not far behind. There’s no way to change this face back. My current disguise got spotted by Hippo. Can I really fool my own parents? Forget it. Thinking too much gives me a headache. Let fate do its thing…
