"Luo Yu, are you sure? How can anyone drink soup without seasonings?"

Plum’s eyes gleamed as she popped a piece of *mihuotang* from a rusty tin into her mouth, sucking noisily. "Actually… this has quite a kick."

"Plum-jie, please stop scheming. You’re eating too, remember? Drop the idea of drugging me already."

"Fine." Plum sighed, untied the apron wrapped around her bare torso, and obediently shuffled to the sofa.

Fifteen minutes later, Luo Yu arranged steaming vegetarian dishes on a large platter. She set it before the eagerly waiting Plum. "Here. Eat."

Plum clapped her hands twice—a pre-meal ritual—beaming. "Wow, Xiao Luo Yu, your cooking’s leveled up again! How’d you know corn porridge’s my favorite?"

"Seriously? After cooking for you for years, how could I *not* know?"

"…"

Luo Yu ladled a bowl of watery gruel for herself. Staring at the near-empty broth, she suddenly smiled, blissful. "It’s been so long since I had a proper meal. Meat would be nice…"

"Exactly! Luo Yu, just drinking broth won’t cut it." Plum pinched a drugged candy, aiming for Luo Yu’s bowl. "Let me sweeten yours—"

*Clack.*

Luo Yu’s forearm deflected the candy mid-air. She sipped her broth calmly. "Plum-jie, if you’re gonna drug me, use something fresher. That tin’s older than me—covered in green mold. How am I supposed to eat that?"

"Oh! Right!" Plum slapped her forehead. "I’ll buy your favorite pork belly! Then you’ll *definitely* eat the drugged candy, right Luo Yu?"

"That’s NOT why I refuse your food!"

"Wait—" Plum smacked her head again. "Pork belly’s too expensive now… Can you take pure fat? No, fat’s pricey too… That stray dog near the village found some bones yesterday. Luo Yu, you’d lick those clean, right? I’ll go snatch them—"

Luo Yu: "…"

*Thud. Thud.*

Mid-meal, knocks rattled the shack’s door. Luo Yu first thought Plum had started another impromptu concert—until she saw Plum happily sucking drugged candy as dessert. *Knocks. Habitual assumption.*

She stood to open the door, then froze. Plum was naked. "Visitors! Plum-jie, cover up!"

Plum didn’t glance up, still sucking candy. "Pfft. Probably my regulars. Seen it all before. Too lazy to dress."

"You still can’t—" Luo Yu hissed. "What if it’s a stranger?"

"*Strangers?*" Plum’s eyes lit up. She turned to Luo Yu, thrilled. "New customers? Then I *definitely* shouldn’t wear clothes!"

"…" Luo Yu’s eye twitched. "True."

She opened the door. A hunched old man stood there, barely 144cm tall—six centimeters shorter than Luo Yu. Wrinkled, ugly, and shrunken.

Luo Yu almost snapped *"What do you want, old fossil?"*—until she spotted the little girl clinging to his hand.

The girl had twin ponytails resting on her chest. Tiny, hiding behind her grandfather’s legs. Round, smooth cheeks. Timid, adorable eyes.

Luo Yu snapped to attention, gaze locked.

"Is Plum here?" The old man scanned the room, then froze at the sight of Luo Yu in her school uniform. His face drained white. "Oh no."

"Grandpa~" Luo Yu beamed an angelic smile, smoothly plucking the girl from his grip and cradling her. "You shouldn’t have brought gifts! But since you did… I, Luo Yu-sama, gratefully accept." She nuzzled the girl’s soft cheek. "How old are you, sweetie?"

"Nine… and a bit," the girl whispered, trembling.

"So ten. Perfect age." Luo Yu’s grin turned sharp. "Ever been to school? Learned anything? How about a special lesson from big sister? Kids like you need *proper* education… for when bad people come knocking."

The girl shook her head. "No school."

"*Disappointing.*" Luo Yu sighed dramatically, then wiggled her ring and pinky fingers before the girl’s eyes—calluses visible between them. *The mark of a true female education expert. 800+ lectures yearly.* Her fangs peeked as she licked her lips. "Come here, little one. Let Sister Luo Yu teach you essential womanly wisdom—"

"*STOP!*" The old man yanked his granddaughter back, raising his cane. "Luo Yu! Don’t corrupt my granddaughter! I’ll fight you to the death!"

Luo Yu puffed her cheeks like a steamed bun. "Ugh, old man! She’s *ten*! Can’t I play with her?"

"Children aren’t *toys*!"

"Tch. Fine. What do you *want*, old man?" Luo Yu slumped onto the sofa, rubbing her chest.

"Luo Yu, this is our neighbor who moved here last year. You might’ve met him as kids in town." Plum emerged from the bathroom, unusually dressed in a bodycon dress. "He’s from the Cat family, right? Cat the… Second?"

"Cat the Second." The old man pushed his granddaughter forward. "Speak up, Xiao Jiu."

"I’m… Xiao Jiu…" The girl stuttered, peering at Luo Yu. "Um… what *is* that ‘education’ you mentioned?"

"*YOSH!*" Luo Yu shot upright, snapping a crisp salute. "Xiao Jiu! Ask anyone else—they’d be clueless! But *I*, Luo Yu, know *everything* about—"

"*SILENCE!*" Cat the Second clamped a wrinkled hand over Xiao Jiu’s eyes, pointing at Luo Yu. "That’s a bad woman. Don’t talk to her."

Xiao Jiu coughed innocently. "Okay, Grandpa. Xiao Jiu won’t play with bad women."

Luo Yu: "WHO’S THE BAD WOMAN?!"