"Qiqi?"

"Tsk tsk tsk, Dark Lord. Comfy living as a pet in another world?" Qiqi flapped her tiny wings, landing midair on an invisible surface. The pale light around her finally made me realize this was a dream.

But the realism was undeniable—Qiqi was projecting this dream. I’d never have such a random one myself.

Here, I still had my Dark Lord body. So, I really couldn’t change back?

A faint sense of loss washed over me, but I’d slowly accepted it. Still!

"Qiqi, don’t rub salt in the wound!" I protested loudly.

She crossed her arms, tilting slightly to look down at me. "Overdeity actually cared about your plight and sent me with a gift. But seeing you all cozy with the Hero, whispering sweet nothings—I didn’t want to interrupt."

"Sarcastic brat…" I saw her true colors now. "I’m practically dying… just give me a cheat skill already…"

It felt like spending cash in a game for god-tier gear, only to find every item locked by the system, then getting demoted to a newbie and banned. Utterly… indescribable.

"Hmm? Beg me." She lifted her chin smugly.

"You!" Rage flared, but I calmed myself—don’t argue with a kid. "I just wanted the Hero to turn traitor…"

"Really?" She looked utterly skeptical.

"Really!" I almost believed myself! Worst case, I’d take responsibility after seducing him… wait, what nonsense!

"Fine, I’ll be merciful," she said, unrolling a small golden scroll etched with auspicious cloud patterns. She hesitated, then took a deep breath. "Guess what it is?"

"Guess? Guess my ass! What is it?"

"So unladylike." She gave me a superior glance. "Sorry, no cheat skills."

*Cough* (orz)

"Don’t faint. Overdeity only sent three tips—they might help. First: the Dark Lord’s Five Treasures are in your vault. Admittance, Trust, Pursuit, Request, and Protection. They unlock in order, each with a condition."

"What condition?"

"Not written." She shook her head.

"Typical vague nonsense. Useless riddles."

"Patience, lady." She lectured like an auntie. "Second: the capital has your leftover minions. One’s a Demon General—but he can’t use Battle Aura or offensive magic. If needed, show your identity at the smallest storefront on the main road."

"And the third?"

"Mom’s watching. Don’t mess up. If desperate, flee and ask the vampires for help."

"That’s all?"

"That’s all."

"Ahem… Qiqi, one question. Can you remove this collar? It’s so embarrassing!" I tugged at it. I’d tried everything—it wouldn’t break. Insane!

"Angels can’t interfere in mortal affairs. La la la~ Just enjoy being a pet loli." She grinned wickedly. "The public trial starts soon. Ready?"

"Sort of… really no help?" I pulled off the legendary egg-flower eyes, but Qiqi stayed unmoved.

"Handle it yourself!"

———

I woke groggily. Thanks to Qiqi, sleep was ruined again.

I must’ve fallen asleep reading last night… hence the bed. Wait—where’s the Hero? Could I escape?

But I quickly realized I was overthinking. Lott was washing up in the bathroom, his bedroll on the floor. He’d really gone through trouble yesterday.

I eyed the stacks of books beside my cage—nearly as tall as it. Had I really finished all that before 3 a.m.?

Yesterday, I’d made Lott fetch a mountain of books from the library for today’s trial.

Why did it feel like preparing a speech?

I had other tricks too, but they might not work.

…Anyway, today would be hell. Like right after breakfast: Yeluo cleared the food cart, then returned with an armful of clothes. "Ordered to bathe and dress the Dark Lord."

"Mew? Bath and dress… necessary?" I snapped awake.

Lott smirked. "I’m curious how you’d look in something else. By the way, when was your last shower?"

"I wash my face and feet daily…" I stretched a leg out indignantly. "I change socks too. Why are they always thigh-high?"

"Thigh-high socks make lolis cuter," Lott had said, holding up the maid’s socks.

"Ankle socks work if you’re confident about your calves."

"Never mind…" I turned to Yeluo. "What clothes?"

Yeluo quietly placed them on the bed, unfolding a crimson gown. "A formal dress."

"Absolutely no cross-dressing!" I looked away stubbornly.

"Aren’t you already in a dress?"

"Still no! Hmph!" I pouted. "And bathing—I can’t control myself!"

"Eh?" —Yeluo

"Yeluo the maid will wash you," Lott raised an eyebrow. "Wet look perks."

"Mew?" —Yeluo

"Ugh… I’m so sleepy." I yawned, lazily chewing bread. "Go break something. Smash your Oxford dictionary and cheer up."

"I’m not that easy, you know!" Lott suddenly spun around, acting shy.

"Pfft!" I nearly spat out my bread. "You scared me! Pay up!"

"Broke! Unless you show me the new outfit."

"Deal!" Money!

…Wait.

How is this different from escorting?

"Dark Lord… time’s short." Yeluo whispered a reminder.

"If you skip the gown, you’ll flash the crowd," Lott added seriously.

"Flash?" I tugged my skirt hem—knee-length, not short. "Shouldn’t happen. It’s long enough."

"The platform’s three stories high…"

"Oh…" My face paled. "Fine, Yeluo. Let’s get washed."

"Eh mew?"