Hello everyone~~ I’m Pupil. Back then, I kept fantasizing about experiencing all sorts of thrilling lives in another world. Now, I’ve somehow crossed over from a soon-to-shutdown game, bringing my max-level god-tier gear with me. After a series of twisted quests, I finally became a Bronze Adventurer. At last, I could properly enjoy this world’s wonders.
*What’s so exciting about this?!*
I suddenly stood up, clutching my head.
"Pupil!! What are you shouting about!?" Tia spun around to ask me.
"Yeah! What’s with the sudden yelling? You scared me!" Aerin stood up behind me, staring.
"I mean! Didn’t our last squad meeting focus on leveling up to handle future dangers??"
"Right! What’s your problem now?" Aerin tilted her head innocently.
"The problem is now!! Since that meeting, haven’t we just come here daily to pick mushrooms and jerk off?" I pointed at the field of Silver Sinew Mushrooms behind us.
"What do you mean by ‘jerk off’??" Tia looked at me with earnest curiosity.
"You’re better off not knowing. Look ahead—this whole area’s almost picked clean." I turned, gesturing at the stripped mushroom stumps.
"We can’t help it! After the bandit incident, there are so many injured. Healing potions are running low." Aerin kept plucking Silver Sinew Mushrooms with one hand.
"Shouldn’t newcomers handle this? You should be training instead. Look at Lulu—she’s already studying at the Kingdom’s Magic Academy. Do you really think staying single for twenty years and stroking mushrooms will make you stronger?" I yelled excitedly. How could I adventure with you two picking mushrooms all day?
"Don’t say that. Gibor told me picking mushrooms builds arm strength." Aerin snapped a mushroom with a *crack*.
"What has that guy been teaching you?!"
"Gibor also told me if a man picks Silver Sinew Mushrooms for thirty years, he’ll become a great mage," Tia replied seriously.
"Pupil!! Where are you going?" Aerin watched me curiously.
"I’m dragging that perverted old Gibor to the guard station." I rolled up my sleeves, ready to fight.
"Stop messing around! Finish picking the rest!" Aerin punched me unconscious and dragged me back.
Right then, I sighed in relief—I’d crossed over at max level with god-tier gear. Otherwise, who knows how badly I’d be struggling here.
"Pupil!! Come quick! This Silver Sinew Mushroom looks weird!" Aerin shouted, pointing.
"What’s weird about it?" Could mushrooms even deform? At this point, nothing surprised me.
"But this one’s moving!"
"A moving mushroom? Could it be the legendary rare type—one worth a hundred?" Tia walked over curiously.
"No wonder it looks odd." My curiosity sparked too.
"Look! It’s moving!" Near Aerin, a Silver Sinew Mushroom stood upright in the soil.
*Squish squish.*
It wobbled.
Holy crap... so gross. It looked exactly like a dick.
*I really didn’t want to touch it.*
"Let’s just chop it and show Gibor," I said, pulling a dagger from my inventory.
"W-wait!" A shrill voice piped up, like someone straining their throat.
"Did you say something??" I glanced at Tia and Aerin.
"No," they shook their heads.
"Who is it then??" I scanned the area.
"It’s me! Down here!" The voice came again.
I looked down at the wobbling mushroom.
"Wait... is the mushroom talking??" Aerin stared.
"Yes! I’m the Silver Sinew Mushroom Fairy~~~" The mushroom swayed stiffly.
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I stared blankly at the wriggling fungus.
"Please don’t cut me~~ If you do, there’ll be no more Silver Sinew Mushrooms here!" the fairy pleaded.
"Really? Pupil, stop!" Tia blocked me.
"Are you truly a fairy? What’s in it for me if I spare you?" I kept my deadpan expression.
"If you don’t cut me, I’ll bless this area with endless mushrooms!" It jiggled as it spoke.
"Amazing! Pupil, let’s pick others instead~~" Aerin begged.
"But first~~ could the lovely ladies stroke me back to my original shape??" The fairy stood rigidly upright.
"Let’s just cut it," I stepped forward with my dagger.
"No!! Wait~~~~~" The fairy panicked.
"If you’re a fairy, why not show your true form?" Tia eyed it curiously.
"Yeah! I wanna see what a fairy looks like!" Aerin’s eyes sparkled.
"Will you promise not to cut me if I do??" Its voice trembled slightly.
"I swear on my life."
"Okay~~ here I come~~~"
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Silence fell. From the soil crawled a naked, bald man—his crotch sprouting the talking Silver Sinew Mushroom.
Name: Krik
Class: Pervert
Level: 99 (Ignore the pervert level)
Equipment: Silver Sinew Mushroom
What the hell?! Pervert class at level 99?! Why’s his equipment a mushroom?! Is that thing detachable?!
"Husband! Cut it now!" Tia turned and fled.
"Ahhh~~~~~~ Pervert~~~" Aerin screamed, running to the river to wash her eyes.
"As you can see, sorry, Mushroom Fairy." I raised my dagger toward the man’s dick.
"Wait!! Do you still think I’m a fairy?!" The man covered himself, scrambling up to run.
"I’m gullible! I believe anything! After all that eye trauma, how could I pass up a one-in-a-hundred mushroom fairy? Hand over your dick!" I chased the naked man wildly.
"You called it a dick!! What’s fairy about that?!" He glanced back, hurt.
"What’s the difference between a mushroom and a dick?! Surrender it, Miss Mushroom Fairy!"
"Help~~! A pervert’s murdering me~~~~" His desperate cries echoed.
"You’re the least qualified to call me a pervert~~~~"
*ROOOAR~~~~~~~~~*
As I chased him, a roar cut through the air.
"What was that??" I stared into the dark forest.
"No idea!!!" The bald man froze in terror.
"Pupil~~~ It’s a Mushroom Bear!! Run back!!" Aerin waved frantically in the distance.
"Mushroom Bear?? What’s that?" Both the man and I were clueless.
Next second, we learned—a massive bear stood before us. Though I was high-level, seeing a bear up close for the first time froze me stiff. The bear sniffed the mushrooms, stroked one until it straightened, then plucked and ate it.
*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
The bald man turned ghostly pale.
"Play dead! Bears ignore corpses!!" I declared firmly.
"Got it!" He collapsed instantly.
As he shut his eyes, I quietly climbed a nearby tree branch...
"Wait!! You said play dead, but you’re climbing a tree!?" He opened his eyes to see me.
"My acting’s bad—I might get caught."
The Mushroom Bear loomed over him. Sweat poured down his face. His biggest worry? That precious mushroom. If the bear plucked it, he’d be ruined. The bear sniffed his crotch.
"*&$%#@&$%*—" He squeezed his eyes shut, babbling nonsense.
After sniffing, the bear made a disgusted face—clearly uninterested. Just as we relaxed, it opened its jaws wide.
"I’m doomed!!!!!" The man’s voice cracked.
*BLEGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*
The bear vomited half-digested mushrooms everywhere.
How many days without a bath?! To make a bear puke like that!!!
It left with a look of utter revulsion. Hopefully, it wouldn’t develop a lifelong hatred for Silver Sinew Mushrooms.
"Aren’t you an adventurer?! Can’t even beat a bear?! I survived by luck." The man sat up after it left.
"Luck?! You’re so filthy even the bear gagged!!!" Of course I could beat it—I just wanted to see this pervert’s reaction. But if the bear had gone for his mushroom, I’d have saved him.
"Right!! I still need to harvest mushrooms." I jumped down, dagger ready.
"Ladies, save me!!!" He sprinted naked toward Aerin and Tia.
"Pervert!!!!!!!!" Aerin covered her eyes and kicked him unconscious.
"What now??" I sheathed my dagger, walking over.
"Hand him to the guard station." I pulled rope from my waist pack and tied the bald man tightly. As I secured the knots, I glimpsed a figure at the forest entrance—the Mushroom Bear stood beside a muscular, handsome naked man. When I focused to check his stats, only the bear remained.
"Strange... was that my imagination?" I rubbed my eyes quickly.
