After placing the last bowl back in the cabinet, I deliberately left the tap running. Peeking out from the kitchen, I scanned the darkness like a thief.

Pitch-black living room. Silent. Safe!

The deafening EDM from the second floor drowned out even the rushing water. That little demon Ouyang Lian was truly running wild tonight—which worked in my favor. Safe!

Only one thing left to do: slip out the front door quietly yet brazenly.

Just as I sat by the entrance to change shoes, the hallway light snapped on. A grinning face materialized from the shadows like a ghost. I nearly had a heart attack.

"Where to at this hour, hus~band~?"

Sister Qian’s sultry tone and pink nightgown made her look like a wife catching a cheating spouse. Damn it—she’d been lying in wait!

"N-nothing. Just... a walk. Lovely moon tonight."

As if to mock me, thunder rumbled. Outside, storm clouds swallowed every star and moonbeam.

"A walk? I’ll join you."

Her barely contained laughter meant she couldn’t be bothered to call my bluff. That ambiguous smile—refusing even to tease me—made my skin crawl.

"No need. You’re so lightly dressed. What if rain soaks you and you catch a cold?"

Ouyang Qian covered her mouth, chuckling. She tilted her chin thoughtfully, leaning forward just enough to make certain assets tremble visibly. They say contrast creates beauty. If not for Lian’s flat-chested reminders, I’d never have noticed Sister Qian’s hidden curves beneath her usual office wear.

"*Darling*, *you* should be careful. Without me, you might get lost in the garden again and ‘walk’ straight back to your hometown. Oh—and you forgot to turn off the kitchen tap and lights."

First "husband," now "darling." Next would be "sweety"? My sister was losing her mind!

The elder sister’s stance screamed "Not happening!"—yet her teasing aura made it feel oddly like an old married couple. Her motives were baffling.

What was wrong with today? Lian’s rebellious partying made sense. But Sister Qian—usually sloppy and carefree at home—suddenly oozing wifely devotion?

"Fine. I’ve lost the urge to walk."

I shook my head wearily. Escape plan: aborted.

"Good!"

Sister Qian looped her arm through mine, "accidentally" grinding against me. My panic spiked. What had gone wrong?

"What’s there to fear? Staying one night won’t kill you. Unless you think I’ll *eat* you?" Her whisper brushed my ear, laced with mock resentment.

*If only you would*, I thought. Mature women were the best. Though Mom would break my legs afterward and ship me to some orthopedic ward to become the next "non-blood-related sister-obsessed meme."

But per international rules, this troublemaker loved toying with innocent boys. She’d screenshot my fantasies mid-daydream, then burst into exaggerated laughter. Only slightly less evil than Lian air-dropping vibrators on people she disliked.

"Staying’s fine—if you promise no midnight ambushes!"

I preempted her. She had form: once, a nightmare trapped me under an octopus-like weight, drowning in darkness. I woke drenched in sweat, tangled between two snoring "heaters" in my bed. Yes—*two*. Lian sleepwalked. For a pure-hearted pervert like me, it was terrifying.

"Eh? Not... allowed?"

Ouyang Qian pouted, shoving my hand deeper into her cleavage. You were serious?!

I slapped a palm over her face. "No! Not even with that pitiful look. Sisters don’t wear lingerie and crawl into brothers’ beds. This isn’t a hentai plotline!"

"But Xiao Lan, your skin’s so smooth! Hugging you is heavenly!"

That wasn’t a valid reason. Did tormenting innocent boys amuse her that much?

"Denied!"

"Then... how about *you* wear lingerie and crawl into *my* bed?"

Sister Qian tilted her head, offering a "tempting" suggestion that changed nothing. Were you serious? Or just an idiot? Lingerie? I’d never worn any... but maybe... wait—

"THAT’S NOT THE POINT!" I yanked my hand back, face burning. With women who never stopped joking, one rule applied: take them seriously, and you’d lose all dignity.

"Tch!"

Her scheming face soured. She shoved me into Ouyang Lian’s room. Whatever new experiment she’d planned seemed abandoned—for now.

"Lian! Guard him. Don’t let him escape! I’ll deal with this brat after emailing clients!"

The door slammed shut. I eyed the chair where Lian sat, VR headset on, speakers blasting music. I wiped my brow. No way she’d heard anything.

I muted the noise. Instantly, Ouyang Lian ripped off her headset, glaring. "What’d you do?!"

"Who plays *Desecration* with speakers blasting? Isn’t it loud?"

"Liar! No BGM means no hype during fights!"

A PvP fanatic. Definitely a noob leeching off raids. I shrugged. "Fine. I’m leaving."

"Wait! Don’t go! If you bail, that cow’ll nag me all night. Help me with this class change quest!"

She’d *heard*? In that racket? Her "perfect listening test scores" weren’t a bluff?

"Current quests are brainless..."

"Lies! Mobs here swarm you! They promised one-on-one!"

I sighed. "Stick to single-player games with cheat engines. Explaining things to you is hopeless."

"I’m a top-tier hardcore gamer! Just... temporarily stuck..." Ouyang Lian glared, then pouted. "Pleeease, good brother?"

There it was—the legendary sisterly pout that broke even seasoned brother-obsessed veterans. Being admired in my expertise was dangerously hard to refuse.

"Fine. *Once*."

The monitor synced to her screen. A buff warrior stared back—golden horned helmet blindingly flashy.

"Your character?" I deadpanned.

Had the world flipped? Why did girls play male avatars while boys gender-bent? Was this the age of perverts?

"Mhm!"

"You’re a *rogue*! Why so flashy? You’ll fail stealth checks! Wrong gear, wrong talents—you’re playing a tank!"

The gaming-challenged girl flushed. "Mind your business!"

"Spit it out—where’s the quest item? I’ve been stuck for days!"

Great. A directionally challenged gamer. At least Xu Lingzhu knew her class. Skill could be trained. But brains... brains were a luxury Lian lacked.

After countless deaths and near-slaps for her "chair-swinging rogue" tactics, the talentless thief finally became a ranger. I felt more exhausted than she did.

"Victory!"

Ouyang Lian tearfully chugged cola, declaring triumph with zero pride.

"So your girlfriend’s Nan Dongye from Drama Club?" Lian suddenly asked, eyes sharp.

Huh? Topic whiplash!

"Just classmates! She’s our class rep. And that day? She was on her period—I only walked her home!"

Crap. Too crisp. Sounded rehearsed.

Lian drawled a knowing "Oh~." "Right. How could a gloomy shut-in like you land someone as cute as Nan Dongye? She’s a rare, airheaded species—even popular in middle school. Though... maybe her naivety made her easy prey? Wait—since when does our eternal campus goddess have a girlfriend? Shouldn’t Xu Xian be her boyfriend?"

You’re one to call others airheads!

Why couldn’t cute girls like *me*?

Yuzuru Sensei was the flirt—not me!

And Xu Xian again—that blond bastard! Which tabloid started this campus forum rumor?!

Too many rage points. Steam hissed from my ears.

Family tragedy...

First a lying "slave master" vanishing who-knows-where. Now a seductive sister scheming to corrupt me, and a chaos-loving little sister. Ever since school started, this year had spiraled into madness. What even *was* this life?!