"What were you guys just doing?"

"Uh, watching TV?"

"Why’s that a question? So suspicious! Staaaare——"

Xiao Yu sat on the back of my bike, her gaze sending chills down my spine. My whispered giggles with Sister Xixi before leaving, and those few minutes I’d vanished into Ling’er’s room, clearly still annoyed her.

I quickly changed the subject. "Why’d you and Mom start fighting again? Didn’t we just settle the ‘Five Principles of Peaceful Coexistence’?"

That grand-sounding agreement was really just simple peace treaties: coexisting with Mom, with Uncle, with the older sister, with the younger sister, and with me—the negligible bottom of the food chain.

"Tch, that contract you scribbled up like a duck? I, the head of this household, never agreed!" Xiao Yu grumbled, shaking my rickety open-top "sports car."

"Stop it! We’ll tip over!"

"Then tell me what you whispered with those two little bitches!"

Probably just trash-talking Gomoku? I almost spoke but switched tactics. "You tell me what you said to Mom first!"

Xiao Yu paused, silent for a moment, then muttered softly to herself, "She rambled about nonsense I didn’t get. I was in a hurry, so I ignored her."

"For example?"

"She said I’m old enough to be independent, not always leaning on you, blah blah about us being real siblings. What was she even saying? Could we be fake siblings? Though with your eye-searing face, you might really be Dad’s adopted kid."

"Eye-searing!? Worse than a human ashtray! Take it back! Even Xuan’er the idiot knows we’re siblings!"

Xiao Yu just snorted, then suddenly wrapped her arms around my waist and whispered, "It’s only natural for a brother to care for his sister. Or am I really that annoying?"

Her gesture didn’t warm me—it froze my blood. My reply could lead to two outcomes: one, calming Xiao Yu and saving my bike and life; two, the "slave master" on the back seat hugging my waist gently before suplexing us both into a slam-dunk crash with the pavement, leaving me paralyzed from the waist up.

I patted my chest solemnly. "Nonsense! Having such a gentle, obedient, clever angel of a sister is my greatest luck. Not violent or mean at all!"

"You added weird adjectives... Fine, you know good stuff." Xiao Yu happily rested her head on my shoulder, hugging tighter.

My nerves tensed. This meant the next conversation wouldn’t tolerate a shred of "truth."

"Um..."

"Hmm?"

"I wanted her help today, but menopause really is a woman’s worst enemy. Her rambling made me dread this place even more."

"Her? Mom?"

"Duh! Who else?"

Menopause... My adorably clueless Mom could pass for a high schooler in a uniform. Honestly, if she were stricter, I wouldn’t be so stressed.

"What help?"

Xiao Yu fidgeted, stammering, "Only you can help now."

I braced myself. "As long as I use my real name and gender, anything’s fine."

"It’s... the parent-teacher conference next week. My teacher won’t listen—she insists on talking to my guardian. So annoying! Bitter old maids without boyfriends are terrifying. She glares at me coldly all day. No wonder no man likes her. I’ve said my family’s all dead anyway."

My body lurched, nearly toppling off the bike. I’d never met a brat who cursed her own family like this!

"So what?" I grumbled, gunning over a speed bump to jolt her butt.

"Ugh!"

Xiao Yu yelped cutely, rubbing her rear. "S-so... you go for me!"

Parent-teacher conference... Finally, some brotherly dignity. I felt a flicker of excitement. Clearing my throat, I said gravely, "I can, but you must agree to one condition."

"Eh? A condition? Isn’t helping your angel sister an honor?" Xiao Yu stared incredulously, like a concubine faking her period when summoned.

"I’m busy. And what’s honorable about dealing with a bitter woman?"

She muttered, "That... makes sense. What condition? Don’t even dream of borrowing my underwear for selfies. Even if you cry, no way."

"Just how much of a perverted monster am I in your eyes..."

I weighed my options. Too harsh a demand meant a Bad End. Regaining authority was key.

"After this, use honorifics with me. Be polite."

"Aren’t I polite enough?"

"Is ‘human ashtray’ polite?"

Xiao Yu shot me a "pathetic brother" glare. "Why obsess over this? It was a compliment! Fine, I’ll manage. Bro...ther."

Reluctant but a start. I nodded. "You sound disappointed. What did you hope I’d ask?"

"Nothing. I thought you’d shamelessly demand I call you ‘sister’ or pretend to be a girl to shower together. Honestly, I’m let down. That’s not like Jiang Lan at all."

I roared, "I’d never ask that! Manners! Why label me a beastly cross-dressing sister-complex pervert from the start!?"

Xiao Yu laughed it off. "Aren’t you?"

"Not at all!"

Probably not...

I inwardly winced. If I’d asked, Xiao Yu would never shower with me. The result? Paralyzed in bed for a miserable lifetime. No doubt.

Half an hour later, before 7:30 PM, I biked Xiao Yu to her "cram school." Night had fallen, surrounded by gleaming downtown skyscrapers—far from City No.1 High. Why here?

A stylish woman in a chic suit and glasses approached. Just as I thought she’d mistaken us, she jabbed her watch with a "disappointed parent" glare. "Check the time! Training started at seven. The performance is days away, my lady!"

Xiao Yu paled, covering the woman’s mouth. "I know, I know! Later!"

"Performance?" I frowned.

"Eh!" The woman’s scolding halted as she eyed me. Her gaze sharpened. After sizing me up, she declared seriously, "You... want to become shiny?"

I scratched my head. "Huh? Shiny? Pikachu-style?"

She held up a finger. "Yes! Exactly! Your aura’s great—frame a bit big, height tall, chest flat, but well-proportioned. With training, you’d shine on stage... Mmph! Mmmph!"

Xiao Yu, blushing furiously, clamped a hand over her mouth. "Ms. Mickey! He’s my brother, Jiang Lan!"

Mickey stared, incredulous. That familiar look again—I was numb to it. But happily, Xiao Yu finally called me brother, not sister.

"A... boy? Impressive. Such unique aura—I’ve never seen it. Why a boy? Such a waste." Mickey sighed, still scheming as her eyes roamed over me.

If she weren’t Xiao Yu’s tutor, I’d have punched her. Where’s basic manners? Yet "aura" felt more convincing than "womanly charm." Had that devil warped me into radiating perverted vibes? Terrifying...

"This is my teacher, Mickey. She spouts nonsense. Don’t mind her. We’re heading to class—bye!"

"Oh, bye."

Xiao Yu practically dragged the backward-glancing Ms. Mickey away... leaving me frozen like a statue.