Chapter 36

Just how powerful was a 36D bra size?

Powerful enough to pull off outdated office-lady combos like black-stockinged pencil skirts and stiletto heels. Powerful enough to make Xu Xian—the most jaded pickup artist—stare slack-jawed. Powerful enough to bring tears to Yan Xiaoyi’s eyes despite his brain being fried from hentai doujins. Powerful enough to make Jia Baoyu—a connoisseur of love-action films who saw pixels but painted masterpieces—drool like a waterfall.

I regretted missing homeroom teacher Gu Hengbo’s math class spectacle. But I’d already pictured the filthy thoughts swirling in those three perverts’ heads. No wonder Xiaoyi and Baoyu hadn’t bothered waking me after their naps.

Ms. Gu hadn’t spoken a word. She just watched me silently through cigarette smoke, the ember burning down to the filter until it died out. Her hazy autumn-water eyes held a strange glint—as if a devout believer had finally found her true god.

This was rare. Even I—a frequent office visitor who treated parent meetings and detention slips like daily snacks—had never seen anything like it. But silence? Awkward.

I cleared my throat softly, pulled up a tiny stool meant for scolded students, and sat. "Ms. Gu," I said. "You wanted to see me?"

"Eh?!" The homeroom teacher jolted back to reality. Her cheeks flushed as she dropped the cigarette butt, wiped her hands hastily on her skirt, then scrambled down from her armchair. Clacking in her heels, she bowed deeply to me. "H-hello! Nice to meet you! I’m Gu Hengbo!"

Huh? Why the self-introduction? It felt like *I’d* summoned *her* for detention. And why was my teacher bowing to *me*...?

Anyway, this .exe file labeled "female teacher" shattered my mental image of her. Her queenly aura vanished in an instant.

Textbooks lay scattered across her desk. Beer cans tilted drunkenly beside them. Her glass ashtray brimmed with butts—just as Nan Dongye described: lazy, messy, a mirror of my own habits. Yet this math teacher possessed a dangerously alluring figure that left other women in the dust. It made no sense.

"95, 61, 87... terrifying. I thought only Boa Hancock from *One Piece* had legendary measurements like this. It’s cheating." I muttered under my breath.

"Huh? What did you say?" Gu Hengbo fidgeted.

"Nothing. Hello. I’m Jiang Lan."

*Ugh. Now I’m playing along with introductions too?* This heavy "desperate spinster blind date" vibe was all her fault—thanks to the lace-trimmed bra peeking out and that bottomless cleavage when she bowed.

Ms. Gu stared at me like a starving man eyeing a feast. "J-Jiang *sensei*," she breathed, reverence thick in her voice. "May I... ask you something?"

*Jiang sensei?!* Since when did teachers use honorifics with students? Was this some office roleplay fantasy? This teacher was trouble.

Her feverish gaze made my neck hairs stand on end. I edged my stool back, avoiding the heat radiating from her eyes. Out of respect—and dread for the next year—I managed politely: "Uh, sit down first. We can talk slowly."

"O-okay!"

Gu Hengbo snapped upright like a soldier under inspection. The posture only amplified her... advantages.

Now I understood her body language. That expression. That posture. It mirrored Jia Baoyu’s fanaticism at a MUA makeup convention—pure idol worship.

This was our first meeting. She was new. I was "just back from break." No reason for this...

A fan? Impossible. My patrons knew me by another name.

*Fine. You broke teacher decorum first. Don’t blame me for taking charge.* I walked to her window and shoved it open. The thick secondhand smoke stung my eyes and choked my lungs. Casually, I asked: "You said you had a question?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Gu Hengbo spun her eggshell-white armchair toward me, eyes pleading. "Jiang sensei... how do I become... become as effortlessly feminine as you?!"

"F-feminine?!"

"Yes!"

I froze. At school, I used my natural voice. My clothes were plain. Just long hair tied in a simple ponytail, bangs covering half my face. *Ultimate humiliation.* This was worse than when 6’5" power forward Xu Xian called me that—before I slammed him with an uppercut and suplex. He hadn’t joked about it since.

I whirled on Gu Hengbo, ready to snap. But her eyes held only pure adoration—no mockery. Like that quiet security guard uncle. Dead serious. She wasn’t mocking me. She genuinely craved answers. My anger deflated like a punctured balloon.

*Invisible gender-swap. Deadliest of all...*

"Dunno," I sighed, defeated.

Gu Hengbo pressed harder. "You *must* know! I’ve never met a girl with your charm! You must have endless suitors! Please teach me!"

*What nonsense are you spouting, teacher?! Do I look like I have secret feminine charm techniques?!*

Why was my homeroom teacher asking me this perverted question? Shouldn’t she just scold me for sleeping in class and assign a detention essay? I groaned inwardly.

"You called me here just for *this*? I never took you for this kind of teacher..."

"Just now?" Gu Hengbo tilted her head, then slapped her forehead. "Right! I’d forgotten I summoned someone! But forget that—tell me your secret! Even one tip! I’ll turn thirty after this birthday... and I’ve never even... never had *that* kind of experience. Only after my PhD did I realize how serious this is. At this rate, I’ll really have to go on blind dates like Grandpa says!"

*A high-risk spinster. No wonder she’s this intense.* My eyelid twitched. I stole another glance at her peach-like curves—ripe enough to drip juice.

*No experience?* The sacred word "virgin" flashed in my mind like a neon sign.

*This isn’t logical.* Skeptical, I asked: "With your looks... no boyfriend?"

"None!"

"Really none?"

Her head shook like a rattle.

"Not even before?" I pushed.

"One! Just one!" Gu Hengbo’s eyes welled up instantly. "But he was gay. When we broke up, he said he only dated me to stop rumors... then came out the next day."

*Whoa. This person’s almost as tragic as me.*

I bit back laughter as she poured her heart out. Perfect timing—the never-ending idol drama on her TV hit its peak: a typical dumb heroine wailed in a snowstorm, the soundtrack amplifying the melodrama.

*They say the best comedy is tragedy.* I ducked my head, stifling a chuckle. Couldn’t mock this earnest, aging teacher. I settled for: "Well... quit smoking and drinking first."

Ms. Gu looked heartbroken. "Anything else? Those are my only two joys!"

Others have "childlike faces, giant chests." You? A child’s heart stuffed in a giant chest. Mature outside, a kid inside.

Exasperated but amused, I lectured: "Smoking and booze wreck women. They steal your skin’s elasticity, age you fast, slacken your body. Mess with periods. Thin your bones. Worse—you might face early menopause or miscarriages."

*Ugh. Why do I know this?* I wanted to slap myself. This "wisdom" came from that cursed source.

Office. Soap opera. Clueless teacher. And me—the weirdo playing agony aunt. Shouldn’t *she* be lecturing the delinquent student? What was wrong with this world?!

"Jiang sensei, you know so much!" Gu Hengbo’s eyes sparkled with stars. She sighed miserably. "I know nothing. That man must’ve dumped me because I lacked femininity... used that cruel excuse just to escape."

*No, no, no!* Any ass-man or boob-man would unite in worship before you! "Feminine charm" was practically your birthright!

Any man who won Gu Hengbo must’ve been exceptional. Yet he abandoned 36D glory to face his true self? Proof he was truly gay—probably chasing you to deny his own nature.

But that gay guy never realized the damage he’d done to this clueless PhD. The demon haunting Gu Hengbo was that man. Seeing a kindred spirit, I slipped into character again. My heart ached for my 36D homeroom teacher.

"Ever think you’re *too* exceptional? That’s why no one worthy dares approach you?" I said gently.

"E-exceptional? *Me?* Impossible..." Gu Hengbo forced a wobbly smile, fingers twitching toward the cigarette pack. "Classmates... colleagues... they never look me in the eye. Conversations sputter out awkwardly."

I caught her trembling hand. "They *can’t* look. Your radiance blinds them! Ordinary sparrows shrink before a peacock. You just need more confidence!"

"Eh? Really?" Gu Hengbo gripped my hand, sweaty and feverish with hope. Then she placed her other hand over her chest, sighing. "But I only have these milk-making organs slightly bigger than average... I’m nothing like you, Jiang sensei. Are you humoring me like Grandpa? Honestly—do breasts even matter for finding love?"

*Are you complimenting me or insulting me? Did your PhD fry your brain?* Fine. I’d forgive you—just this once—for being a thirty-year-old virgin who didn’t know better.

I locked eyes with Gu Hengbo. Suddenly, she was the student. I was the mentor rewriting her worldview. "They matter *immensely*. Believe me: stand tall, smile freely—that’s true femininity."

Her eyes blazed with revelation. She nodded fervently, solemn as a war veteran receiving a medal. Then she crushed me in a hug. Her scent—elegant perfume layered over faint smoke—was strangely alluring. But what truly spiked my heartbeat was the soft, overwhelming pressure against my chest.

*Coach! She’s charging with the ball!*

Leaving the office, my heart swelled with serene fulfillment. I’d truly grasped the nobility of teaching. I wanted to throw my head back and laugh three times at the sky:

"Father! I’ve done it! I saved a clueless teacher—freed her from a life doomed to carry an intact hymen to the grave!"

I’m sure that after my guidance, she’ll learn how to get along with her peers...

Inside the office, Gu Hengbo once again slipped off her high heels. She curled up in the armchair, spinning it gently as she muttered softly to herself, “Oh, I forgot to ask Teacher Jiang for her contact info. Hmm, what was Teacher Jiang’s name again? How could I forget? That’s so rude... Wait, actually... why did she come to my office? Ah well, she must be an angel sent by God to save me. What an amazing girl! So young yet already so captivating. I... I wonder if I can shine like Teacher Jiang too...”

At this moment, in the homeroom teacher’s eyes, Jiang Lan had become an idol master on a dazzling stage with a built-in spotlight, radiating magical power to make anyone sparkle brilliantly. Yet the person walking under the tree shade had also caught the same silliness. Just like Gu Hengbo, he’d completely forgotten the real reason Nan Dongye called him to the office...