Chapter 17: Didn’t Your Mama Ever Tell You That Naughty Kids Get Spanked?

It was a bright, sunny day. My buddies and I were on a spring outing, grilling skewers and singing songs. We were having a blast—until I hooked a little mermaid?!

Even if I wrote this in my third-grade diary, it’d guarantee a parent-teacher conference! Teacher, where are you? Please, just give me a good old-fashioned communist-style scolding! I can’t handle this mess.

“Ahem! Everyone scatter! Why gawk at a little girl? You’re scaring her to tears! How can you call yourselves gentlemen?!”

I shooed away the nosy boys who’d gathered. Phew. Luckily, Crescent Town had no real cultural heritage—these guys were easy to fool. Some didn’t even know what a mermaid was. If this were city folks with actual knowledge? Chaos. A royal mermaid—the Sea Emperor’s own blood—in an inland freshwater lake? That’d be explosive news.

I stared at my “catch,” heart pounding. Holy crap. This little mermaid’s face screamed “trouble.” A bad feeling coiled in my gut. When something this impossible happens, it’s never simple. There’s always a three-volume backstory lurking.

“Hey kid, out here all alone?”

“……” The mermaid just glared at me, gnawing on a rice cake like a hamster.

“Ahem! Don’t just eat—talk to me!”

“……” She finished the cake and held out her tiny hand.

I swallowed my frustration, pulling another rice cake from my pocket. “Ugh. Can’t even understand human speech. Seriously bad luck.”

“You’re the one who can’t understand!” She snatched the cake and shot me a withering glare.

“Then why didn’t you talk earlier?”

“Mama says Bobo mustn’t talk to strangers.” She chewed sullenly, eyes narrowed.

“Bobo? Your name’s Bobo?”

“How do you know Bobo’s name? Humans are terrifying.”

Even deadpan praise won’t make me happy about this.

“So why talk to me now?”

“You gave Bobo yummy food. So you’re not a stranger anymore.”

“Your definition of ‘stranger’ is… unique.”

*Should I just kick her back into the lake?* I itched to do it. But what if some river god popped up asking, “Young man, is this your lost mermaid?” I stared at Bobo, head down, munching. *Don’t ask. Don’t you dare ask.*

“Why’s Bobo in Crescent Lake?” …Okay, gossip is humanity’s fourth instinct.

“Mama sent Bobo here. To stay with Grandpa Ster for a while.”

“Grandpa Ster? He lives in the lake too?”

“Yep! Grandpa Ster’s super strong! He’s the lake’s Sacred Beast! Mama says with him protecting Bobo, nothing can hurt me.”

*A royal daughter, sent by her handmaiden to seek refuge with Crescent Lake’s Sacred Beast?! Why is this little mermaid’s life in danger? Is it a cruel stepmother’s plot? A foreign prince’s schemes? Sibling rivalry? Or a clan’s annihilation? An otherworldly palace drama unfolds! Tune in nightly at 8:30!*

I could already see the ratings skyrocketing. *Boss, that promotion and raise better be ready!*

“Why’d Bobo eat the rice cake? It’s bait! I use it for fishing.”

“But it looked so white… smelled so sweet… Bobo was hungry…” Her lower lip trembled, eyes glistening. If she hadn’t been shoving her hand under my nose, I might’ve almost believed it. Sighing, I dumped my last few rice cakes into her palm.

“That’s all I have. Now go home, okay?”

“Thank you, big brother!” Her eyes sparkled. “Bobo hasn’t eaten in two days! You’re so kind! Grandpa Ster’s been asleep forever… Bobo’s always hungry. Lucky I met a nice big brother today! What if next time it’s a creepy uncle? Bobo’s scared…”

“…”

***

“Big brother~ Big brother~ Where are we going?” Bobo chirped from my back, all innocence.

“Home…”

“Big brother? Where’d your friends go?”

“Back to their own homes.”

“Is your house big?”

“Uh… kinda? It’s not even mine. I’m just staying there temporarily.”

“Big brother… are you a live-in son-in-law?”

“Huh? No! Absolutely not! Do Seafolk even have that concept?”

“Mama says live-in sons-in-law always deny it.”

*That’s like drunk people claiming they’re sober. Did your mama study philosophy? Little girl, you’re dangerously cunning.*

“Bobo… you listen to your mama a lot?”

“Mhm! Bobo’s always with Mama. Papa’s busy. Big sister trains armies all day. Only Mama plays with me.”

“It’s okay. Big brother will play with you. Always.”

“Big brother~ Big brother~ Are you a lolicon pervert?”

“What?! No! Do you even know what that means?”

“Of course!” She puffed up proudly. “Lolicons are creepy men who drool over little girls and say, ‘Wanna candy, sweetie?’”

“…Did your mama teach you that too?”

“Nope! Big sister did! She says they also say, ‘Wanna see goldfish with uncle?’ She says they’re dangerous and crazy. Bobo must never go near them!”

*Your sister’s the crazy one! Who takes a mermaid to see goldfish? Don’t insult lolicons! Is seawater messing with your brain?*

…Wait. Why am I defending lolicons? I’m not one…

“Big brother’s not a pervert. I’ll take care of Bobo until Grandpa Ster wakes up, or Mama comes to get you. Deal?”

“Mhm! But big brother must buy Bobo yummy rice cakes every day!”

“Deal! But only if Bobo’s good.”

“Bobo’s a sweet, honest child!”

*Honest? You look like a mischievous little imp.* I trudged toward the manor, the Sea Emperor’s little princess on my back. Truth was, I didn’t want this trouble. But her words hit home: Crescent Town was full of low-level adventurers. One knowledgeable outsider spotting a royal mermaid? Disaster. Any race guards its royalty fiercely. If something happened to her, the Seafolk’s wrath would crush this peaceful town first. I couldn’t let that happen—not to these kind villagers, not to this quiet haven.

Only one person here could prevent it: the Old Mage. I had to take this kid back. Even after this morning’s… incident… it was afternoon now. *Should be fine. Right?*

“Bobo, we’re almost home. When you see the two big sisters, you must tell them they’re pretty, okay?”

“Bobo’s honest.”

“If they’re happy, they’ll buy you treats!”

“Leave it to Bobo! Bobo’s got the sweetest mouth!”

*Little foodie. If I can’t handle you, I shouldn’t be a beast healer.* Before I knew it, we stood at the manor gate. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

“I’m back!”

*Creak…* The villa door opened. Monaluna and Helle stepped out—one after the other. The morning’s tension seemed gone. Time really was the best healer.

“Oh, you remembered to come back? Where’ve you been gallivanting? Do you even care about this home?” Monaluna’s voice dripped with disdain.

“Klars, you skipped lunch? Don’t like my cooking anymore? Tired of it already? Men really are fickle bastards.”

My legs turned to jelly. *Run.* First a palace drama by the lake, now a family soap opera at home? This world’s drama industry was thriving.

“N-no! Just hung out with friends! Hahaha! Meet my new friend!”

I cast a water spell on the dry ground, gently lowering Bobo from my back.

“This is Sister Monaluna. And Sister Helle.”

“Papa~ Papa~” Bobo sucked her thumb, voice echoing innocently across the manor. “Which pretty sister is Bobo’s new mama?”

*SLAP!* Monaluna’s palm cracked against my left cheek. “Klars Masha, you beast! I misjudged you!” She burst into tears and fled.

*SLAP!* Helle’s strike landed on my right cheek. She turned away, voice icy. “Minced pork in brown sauce for dinner tonight. Heh heh heh heh heh…”

“Bobo…” I cupped my stinging face. “Who taught you *that*?”

“Bobo figured it out!” She beamed. “Whenever Papa introduces Bobo to a new pretty auntie, if Bobo asks, ‘Is this my new mama?’ the auntie buys Bobo *so many* treats!”

Tears of despair pricked my eyes. *Your papa’s the Sea Emperor! Your “new mama” would be Empress! Of course they’d spoil a princess!* I was just a loser. Two slaps were actually light punishment.

“Big brother, Mama says men who sail two boats are trash!”

“Did she also tell you that furious adults love spanking naughty kids?”

“What’s a ‘spanking’?” Bobo tilted her head, confused.

I glanced at her shimmering tail—scales starting right at her waist. “…Nothing. Big brother’s just joking!”