Chapter 5: The "Customer Service Smile" Shattered My Heart

The moment the boat docked, I leapt ashore. Beside me stood Master Joseph, the Old Mage, practically steaming with indignation. One wrong move, and he might really toss me into the lake. And if I ended up as feed for those Azure Rainbow Pomfrets? Well, that’d be a joke on me.

The Old Mage disembarked at a leisurely pace, trailed by a gaggle of "enthusiastic" young men. Glancing back at the scene, I nearly burst out laughing inside.

"Oh, my dear Nana," the Old Mage sighed, "why do you keep rallying the townsfolk to search for Grandpa? Didn’t I tell you I was just gathering herbs in the Forest of Dread?"

The girl named Monaluna stepped forward, flashing a smile that could melt hearts. "Silly Grandpa! I didn’t rally anyone. They all came *voluntarily*~"

"Yeah, totally voluntary!"

"Miss Monaluna didn’t ask us! Please don’t blame her, Master!"

Voices clamored from the crowd behind him, desperate to shield Monaluna from his disapproval.

"Honestly, Grandpa!" Monaluna pouted, looping her arm through his. "You’re hopeless in the jungle! Why sneak off alone to the *deepest* part of the Forest of Dread?"

"Worse than hopeless," I muttered under my breath. "He’s a legendary-level directionally challenged disaster..."

"Hmm?" Monaluna turned to me, her brow furrowing. "And who might this little brother be? I don’t think we’ve met."

"That’s Klars Masha."

"We found the Master traveling with him."

"Yeah! The Master even said he’s his new disciple!"

The chorus of simp voices grated on my nerves. Even as a fellow simp, their eagerness was exhausting.

"Indeed," the Old Mage declared. "This young man is a traveler I rescued in the jungle. Sensing his magical potential, I took him as my disciple."

I bowed hastily. "Pleased to meet you, Miss Monaluna. I’m Klars Masha—Klars or Masha is fine."

She returned the gesture with a gentle nod. "Hello there, little Masha."

*Ah~* Such beauty. Such warmth. My weary soul felt instantly redeemed.

"By the way, Nana," the Old Mage added, "Klars is from afar. He’s decided to study magic under me and will stay in Crescent Town. Have Helle tidy the attic room—he’ll be living with us."

*What the—?!* Old man, you’re setting me up again?! Announcing I’d move in with *her* in front of all her admirers? That’s not just teasing—it’s an AOE attack!

Wait... Why weren’t they glaring at me with envy? Why did their faces scream *pity*? Shouldn’t I be the town’s public enemy now that I’d live under the same roof as Crescent Town’s flower? This heavy "Rest in peace, kid" atmosphere was terrifying!

"Really? That’s wonderful!" Monaluna beamed. "I’ve always wanted a little brother! I’ll rush home and help Helle clean the room right away." She turned to the crowd. "Thank you all so much for today! Grandpa’s back safe, and I need to prepare for Klars. See you tomorrow!"

The young men bid farewell and scattered like startled pigeons. Only the Old Mage and I remained at the dock. A cold wind swept past, making me shiver. *"This feels ominous... I can practically see the Death Omen Star twinkling."*

"Not pleased with my arrangements?" the Old Mage asked.

"Pleased or not—we’ll talk later. Why did everyone look at me like they’d already seen the ending? Like they *pitied* me? Be honest, Master—will I even survive the night?"

*Heh heh heh heh...*

"Why are you laughing?! Hey—don’t walk away!"

The Old Mage strode off, chuckling in that unnerving way. I hurried after him, my skin crawling. *It’ll be fine... Right? He’s powerful but has no reason to harm me. His antics are eccentric, but he’s good-hearted. And Miss Monaluna—gentle as winter sunshine—surely harmless. Unless... is this "Helle" person dangerous?*

Lost in anxious thoughts, I followed him through the streets until we reached a manor gate. The modest yard brimmed with strange, vibrantly colored plants. Beyond it stood a two-story villa draped in twisting vines, radiating an air of ancient dignity. This must be the Old Mage’s home.

He waved a hand. Three-colored light shimmered across the iron gate.

*Creak-thud.* The gate split open, revealing a pebbled path. The Old Mage marched in; I trailed close behind. My otaku instincts screamed: *Don’t mess with a mage’s home unless you fancy an early grave.*

"Honestly! What took you so long?"

A woman leaned against the doorframe—strikingly similar to Monaluna, yet utterly lacking her grace. Her golden hair was haphazardly tied, half-escaping its loose bun. She wore an oversized shirt, baggy shorts, and stood barefoot on the wooden porch. *Who is this NEET? Monaluna’s twin?!*

"Nana!" the Old Mage scolded. "How many times must I tell you? Don’t dress like that!"

"Pfft. It’s just home. Who cares?" She yawned, rubbing her eyes. "Next time, don’t cause such a fuss. I’m exhausted. Gonna nap."

"Hold it!" I blurted.

"What now, suspicious brat?"

"You’re... Miss Monaluna?" I choked. The lazy, unkempt woman before me couldn’t possibly be the radiant goddess from the dock. *My worldview shattered!*

"The one and only!" She clapped her hands over her face, then flung them open—revealing that same warm, sunbeam smile. "Ah! *This* expression!"

The smile vanished instantly, replaced by a deadpan stare. "That’s my *customer service smile*."

"Don’t say terrifying things so casually!"

"See?" She shrugged. "When I use *that* face to ask the town boys for favors, they trip over themselves to help. Saves me so much time—I can laze around all day! It’s practically a commercial asset. Hence the name."

*What is wrong with this person?!* Give back my fluttering heart! Those poor boys... I suddenly felt a kinship with them.

"Enough," the Old Mage cut in, snapping out of his "wise sage" pose. "Let’s go inside."

Heartbroken, I followed them in. The interior was sparsely furnished. Straight ahead, stairs led to the second floor, where a red-haired maid in a crisp uniform stood rigidly.

"Welcome home, Master, Miss Monaluna. The attic room is ready. Any further instructions?"

"This is Helle Tina, our housemaid," the Old Mage introduced. "Though she serves us, she’s like a granddaughter to me. Treat her well."

"You must be Young Master Masha," Helle said flatly. "Follow me to your room."

"No rush!" the Old Mage boomed. "I’m starving!"

"Master, didn’t you devour all those ‘admiring fans’’ picnic baskets on the boat?"

"You little—!" His face flushed crimson. "Tomorrow, Nana will show you around town. Get acquainted."

"*Sigh~* Don’t burden me with every stray cat, Grandpa~" Monaluna drawled, dragging out each word. "Let the brat explore alone."

*Brat?! Who you calling brat?!*

"Young lady," the Old Mage snapped, "stop lazing about! This is good for you!"

Monaluna pivoted to me. Her eyes softened, misting over. She fiddled with her crooked ponytail, biting her lip as she gazed at me with dewy affection. "Dearest little Masha~... I searched *all day* for you and Grandpa. I’m so tired~... Could you explore alone tomorrow? I just want to rest at home~... *Please?*"

"Your tricks won’t work on me twice!"

*Phew.* That woman was dangerous. For a split second, my heart had raced traitorously. Thank goodness I’d seen her true colors—or I’d have been utterly ensnared.

"*Tch!*" Monaluna’s face soured instantly, reverting to her lazy scowl.

*Did she just click her tongue?!* Failed seduction attempt over—back to her true, awful self.

*So tired...* Half a day with this grandfather-granddaughter duo had drained me body and soul. Living with them? Tears welled up unbidden. *Did I pick "Dante Must Die" mode for this isekai adventure? Where are my Ebony & Ivory when I need them?*