“Turing... Are you feeling better now?”

"Your complexion didn't look too good when I came back from dinner."

Merka climbed up to the roof from the porch on one side of the balcony. He took a few unsteady steps and finally managed to balance himself on the sloping roof.

Wearing a concerned expression on his face, Merka leaned over, supported by the gothic stone wall, stepped on the tiles, and sat down next to Turing.

"I thought you didn't want me to come up."

"You'll inhale second-hand smoke."

Unable to shake off the lonely expression for the moment, Turing used one hand to lightly touch his face. She put out the cigarette, extinguished the burning cigar, and threw it into the depths of the jungle.

"Um... Well, smoking a little should be fine."

Merka laughed innocently, like a sheep grazing on grass, clearly a herbivore by nature.

"Turing, are you thinking about Elizabeth?"

"..."

"Why do you say that?"

Though it was a question, Turing's tone sounded more like a statement.

"Because you quit smoking, right?"

"For me."

"But now you're smoking again."

"And you're smoking Christ Mountain cigars."

"Isn't that the Koshiba brand?"

...

【I can never hide anything from him.】

【In his eyes, perhaps I...】

In truth, Turing didn't want Merka to see her vulnerable side.

But he was too clever, too gentle.

To the point where one couldn't put up defenses in time, already surrendering to his sincere assault.

Turing exhaled the last remnants of smoke from her lungs; she knew she had to explain everything to Merka at this moment, or she would only worry him.

"The weather is getting colder, my dear."

"Winter is coming."

"Elizabeth's death anniversary is also approaching."

"At the banquet just now, the atmosphere reminded me of Elizabeth."

"That sensation, it felt like my brain was being ground in a millstone."

Turing hugged her knees, resting her face wearily against the raised leg.

"It's bearable, I suppose."

"After all, it's not as bad as the sufferings I endured in the past."

"But... my heart suddenly feels like it can't ignite."

"Like wet wood."

"Even if it burns, it will produce foul smoke."

Turing sighed deeply, burying one hand in Merka's embrace, gently swaying.

"It's because I've never truly experienced happiness."

"So when I'm with you... it's always an emotional rollercoaster."

"I'm afraid that one day, because of me... I'll harm you just like Elizabeth and the others."

"Because... that's how it's always been."

"I'm like a disaster."

Turing buried her little face deep in her knees, sneakily peeking with one eye, using her two snow-white thighs to conceal her emotions.

"I'm sorry."

"Am I being a bit dramatic?"

Turing hesitated.

Merka pondered for a while, finding this sensitive side of Turing somewhat unfamiliar, leaving him momentarily unsure of how to respond.

"Simply put."

"Turing doesn't want to forget them, yet also doesn't want to constantly think of them, causing inner turmoil, right?"

Turing widened her eyes, surprised as she slowly lifted her head from between her legs.

She initially wanted to retort Merka's words, but after some thought, she realized the validity in what he said.

Merka's summary was actually quite accurate.

"This is a sickness that only adults would get."

"Getting caught in memories, unable to break free."

"Getting caught in memories, unable to break free?"

"So familiar... Why is it so familiar?"

Deep in thought, Turing tasted a bitter flavor akin to chewing lotus seeds in her mouth.

"So... how do adults treat this illness?"

Turing subconsciously sought help from Merka; in her mind, Merka almost held all the answers to the puzzles.

Even though Merka himself was not yet an adult.

"Through commemoration."

Merka lifted a finger, circumnavigating in front of Turing, solemnly stating.

Turing was slightly amused by his feigned seriousness.

"Commemoration is a form of acceptance."

"Those caught in memories are like diners who mistakenly swallowed beast bones."

"Beast bones are difficult to chew, and if swallowed whole, they will cut your esophagus and wear down your stomach, but you cannot digest them."

"As for memories, commemoration is like a digestive pill."

"It can help you digest painful memories, allowing them to become your nourishment, a part of you."

"The secret of adults is self-acceptance—accepting the painful self, the joyful self, all of it."

"Ultimately forming a complete version of oneself."

Merka was adept at making seemingly profound psychological suggestions; having done similar pseudo-counseling sessions in the past at the church in Crotto, he remained composed in front of Turing.

Therefore, facing Turing this time, he was unfazed.

"So, specifically... how do we go about it?"

Turing was moved by Merka's words, asking in confusion.

"Let's build a grave for Elizabeth, a symbolic tomb."

"But... Elizabeth has a grave, it's at the Koshiba family estate."

Turing inquired quizzically.

"But you haven't had the chance to visit it."

Merka gently raised his eyebrows, pulled Turing into an embrace, and let her lean lightly against his chest.

"So this is the essence of commemoration."

"You create something that symbolizes remembrance, keep it close to you as a memorial."

"As time slowly passes by."

"It will no longer be able to stimulate you and become a part of your personality."