Damn it! You demon woman!

How could any normal person hide in a place like this? Even a thief on the run has some dignity, okay? My hand brushed against something sticky, and I started suspecting it might be a dead rat.

Dear great-aunt up in heaven… you could even guess I’d hide here? Couldn’t you at least give me some face and just quietly walk past?

But jumping out now was obviously impossible. From the way her voice sounded, Xi Qiao wasn’t actually sure I was hiding here. I mean, this place was all trash. Anyone hiding in here would have to be straight-up brain-damaged.

Luckily, I had my headbanging helmet on, so my face wasn’t covered in disgusting garbage juice. But hiding in here still felt horrible. I could feel my body reaching its limit.

Xi Qiao, don’t underestimate me! I’m not as easy as you think!

The footsteps drew closer bit by bit. It was obvious she was standing right in front of the trash can, while I held my breath and waited for her next move.

Clang.

The lid of the trash can flipped open. Neither of us said a word, like time had frozen.

“……”

“……”

Finally, after that endless moment, Xi Qiao put the lid back down. Then I heard her footsteps slowly grow distant. Clearly, she’d left.

In the darkness, I waited quietly. I don’t know how long I stayed like that before I suddenly stood up.

“Uurrgh—”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I ripped off my helmet and rainbow-vomited. This place was absolutely not meant for humans. I was filthy from head to toe.

After I finished emptying my stomach, I glanced at the trash can beside me. I had to give props to that bro for catching Xi Qiao’s attention. Any normal person would’ve guessed I’d be hiding in there instead, right?

Yeah. Even the most shameless thief wouldn’t hide in a trash can.

But I had no bottom line at all. I went straight into a pile of garbage.

Climbing out from layers and layers of black trash bags, I knew I’d never forget this experience for the rest of my life. But if it meant escaping Xi Qiao’s hunt, it was… kind of worth it.

“Let’s just go home first…”

I pulled out my phone.

…

Once I got home, I felt so exhausted that I just collapsed on the floor.

On the way back, the driver kept giving me weird looks, clearly regretting letting me in his car. But there was nothing I could do about that.

Xi Qiao coming all the way from France to find me was already a disaster to begin with.

Even scarier, she actually wanted to marry me.

Just to be safe, I slowly crawled up and locked the doors and windows. Only when everything felt secure did I sit down on the toilet lid and let out a long breath.

What a tragedy…

I pressed a hand to my forehead after washing my hands. Just thinking about everything that had happened in this single afternoon, I felt like I’d escaped ground zero of an explosion, like I’d just crawled back from the battlefield. My chest felt heavy.

“Hey, son, did you pick up little Xi yet?”

Mom called, and that was her opener.

“Y-Yeah, I did…” I wimped out a little. I didn’t dare tell her I’d actually run away. Who knew if she was in on this with Xi Qiao? Mom had always liked her a lot.

“Oh? Then put Xi on the phone for me, I wanna talk to her~”

“Uh… well, she’s, uh, buying clothes right now. If there’s something you wanna say, just tell me. I’ll pass it on later.”

As if Xi Qiao could be anywhere near me. I’d gone through hell just to escape. Unless there was a mole at home, there was no way she’d find me that fast.

“I see. Then you two have fun, okay? And don’t bully little Xi. You’re the boy here.”

Yeah right… me bullying Xi Qiao? That’d only happen if I got into a Gundam, or if the Tathagata Buddha descended on me and all eighteen generations of my ancestors lent me their power. Then I might have the slightest chance.

“No way I’d do that… If there’s nothing else, I’m gonna hang up…”

Mom had no idea what was going on. My situation right now was as miserable as it gets. Worst of all, Xi Qiao actually wanted me to marry her, and Old Bu had even agreed.

“Don’t hang up so fast. Your dear mom wants to talk about the wedding with you two~” Mom sounded really happy, like her son had suddenly grown up. Her voice was dripping with pink, sparkly shoujo vibes.

Huh!? My eyes went wide at that.

“What the hell? How do you even know she wants to marry me?”

For some reason, I felt like I’d been kept in the dark the whole time. So the parents had already agreed, and I was the only one who didn’t know?

“Huh? Your dad didn’t tell you?”

Mom sounded shocked, and in the background I heard Dad say, “I thought you told him…” Instantly, my heart turned completely gray.

You two… did you have me just to mess with me?

“Oh, my bad, I thought you already knew.” Mom’s voice was full of apology.

Know my ass! No one ever told me anything! So you really are all in this together! I’m the only one who doesn’t know I’m getting married!

“What on earth is going on…” My head was pounding.

And just then, from the front door, I suddenly heard the sound of a key sliding into the lock.

Ka——ka…